Raw and Real

So, maybe you noticed, maybe you didn't but I didn't post any pictures of me in the last two posts. Yes, there were some taken of me but when I looked at them today all I could do was cry. I don't know what happened to the person I used to know. I've been trying really hard to find myself the last few years with very little luck. I've had so many false starts with weight loss. I've become so discouraged. I've binged. I've starved. I've exercised. I have become a stranger to myself. I stood on the scales today. I am at an all time high. I struggled to get dressed. I was out of breath walking up the stairs. Something has to change. I decided to sign up for a half marathon. It's done; I am committed. I decided to go back to weight watchers. I signed up online. It's done; I am committed. I am going to start up my training blog again and I would love for you to join me. I am making it private however. It's going to be real and It's going to be raw. It'll be so much more than a diet and exercise blog. It will be my therapy. I am going to put myself out there in away I never have before. Therefore I'd really like to know who's reading it! It will be very personal but I hope it will help me find the person I've been searching for, the one I used to know. If you would like an invite leave me a message here or email me and I would be happy to send you one!

P.S. Here are the pictures. If I'm gonna get real, I'm gonna get real. Besides, most of you see me in person and they will come as no surprise to you!

Dance Competition #2

I just took some action pics this time so I had to add them. I missed the first dance because we were still in Park City (she danced at 8 am). Thank goodness my sister-in-law Shannon was willing to play stage mom and get her ready and there by 7 am! She is awesome! She didn't dance again until 7:30 so it was a long day for her! Boom chicka boom took 2nd this time (it took first last time) and Footloose took 1st recieving high gold! That means their score was 98% or higher! AWESOME! Millie slipped in the dance and almost fell but I was impressed how quickly she bounced back. She is awesome!

Park City 2011 edtion

Adam won another trip to Park City. We had so much fun last year but this year was even better! For one, we stayed an extra night. For another, the "hotel" turned into a condo and was so fabulous! Really, I didn't want to come home! Except, I really, really missed my babies and I had way too much free time on my hands which kinda made me anxious. Here are some of the highlights

The fabulous kitchen that I didn't have to use once. Except to make toast. It was so nice to not have to cook!

I took a nice, long bath in this tub each day we were there! Fabulous!

This is one of two fireplaces. The other was in the bedroom. Why don't we have a fireplace?

Snowmobiling. Lots of fun once again

The little cabin we stopped to have lunch in.

Just relaxing. The BEST! No one screaming, no demands, just peace and quiet!

Just what I needed! A little break from reality. I certainly hope there is a 2012 edition as well!

Responsibility

I rolled out the new chore system for the kids this morning. The reaction was mixed. Owen and Emilia accepted it, were even maybe a little excited for it. Matthais, not so much. Is that just cause he's a teen? Or is it because he knows I'm seriously done with the crap. His first words to me? "nice mom. Now you can just sit around and do nothing while we all work." Struck a big nerve with me because I do far from nothing. Even with the menial tasks I've asked them to do there will still be plenty for me. One day he'll see it but for now I'll just bite my tongue and know that I am teaching them responsibility.

Things on my mind...

Mount laundry. All clean, needs to be folded and put away so I can go to bed tonight. Maybe I'll just sleep on the couch. (Adam is out of town so it would work!)

Took Ian to Primary's today. We will be changing his meds. I hate, hate, HATE the experimentation required to change his meds.

I so want to go here this year! I need to get our taxes done and talk Adam into it. Oh ya, taxes. I promised Adam we'd be ready to go when he gets home from his trip. Better get on that...

 It's dance competition season. This little number is my personal favorite. Boom chicka boom. They took first place in this one on Saturday. I had a blast hanging out with my baby girl and my girlfriends Friday night and Saturday. 3 more to go...

Rumor has it our ward will be split soon. Actually, what we were told is that there will be a new ward created in our Stake. I just know the few friends I have will be in a different ward. Sigh.

These beauties were from the hub for Valentine's Day. Are they gorgeous? He really is so, so good to me.

I made no less than 75 of these for the kids to hand out in there classes. I am still cleaning up hot glue. Next year I am buying the box of nerds that you write on.

See all that gray? Good thing I have a hair appointment tomorrow. It's only several weeks overdue. I hate getting old.

Next week at this time I will be here with him. I am so excited for our little mini vacay! And that's what's on my mind!

My hard working husband...

...has been at it again. His company is such a great one to work for with lots of perks and incentives. He works really hard to *win* any of them he can. Just recently he won two trips. One to Park City for 4 days and one to somewhere of his choice. Awesome huh? This will be our second trip to Park City totally paid with spending money. He's won wii's, an xbox, playstation, countless gift cards, mini tv's, ipods, and many other things as well. Kudos to him for putting forth such great effort in behalf of his employer. Now, where do I sign up for a job with those kind of perks???

I.A.N.

For some reason Ian is really into writing these days. Only his writing might be considered scribbling by you and I. I know he's "writing" because he says "I, A, N" over and over while he's doing it. It's good for him and I don't want to discourage it but I wish he had some sense of what is ok to write on and what is not. Luckily no major damage has been done recently but every paper on the counter and the white board on the wall are covered in "I's, A's and N's". He seems to really be doing well at his new school. Seems like they've sparked something in him. His ramblings make more sense and I can see that things are connecting. He does seem to go through phases so this might be nothing more than that but I love to see progress! Sometimes I wonder how much is hidden in that brain of his. I really think he knows more than he lets on. Or, maybe he knows more than he can access? Maybe that's why it comes in phases? Well, whatever it is I'll take it. Even if it means cleaning up the I's, the A's and the N's everyday!

My Anniversary present

Facebook at my fingertips? Really? What was Adam thinking?

No really babe, thank you. I feel so cool and hip now. And that means a lot to me. Love you!

Somedays are uneventful...

...Some days are full of drama. Some days can be completely ruined by one single event. That is how I felt yesterday. My day was OK, good even. I did have a pretty bad headache but that is becoming pretty normal. I had a very productive day going through paper, working on taxes and organizing my desk. I felt good at 2:45 when Ian arrived home. At 2:55 we were loading up to go get one of my daycare kids from school. Everyone was buckled up but I had a mom who was late and I wanted to call her to let her know where we were in case she came while I was gone. I ran inside to grab my phone and was distracted for a few minutes, maybe 3-4. When I came out Ian was out of his seat belt, out of the Tahoe and sitting in the driveway. I thought nothing of it and loaded him back in to go. I started backing up when SLAM! I hit something. Great, I thought. What on earth did Ian leave behind me? Hoping it wasn't his brand new bike I climbed out to check. Nothing. That was weird. I tried again. SLAM! it was like my brakes were locked up. I tried going forward, tried going backward, I pressed harder on the gas; Nothing. Adam had worked on the brakes on Saturday and I was sure he messed something up (sorry babe).  I scrambled to figure out what do do next. I had 5 kids, on my way to pick up one more and no way to do it. I called neighbors to see if they could go get her, no one answered. I frantically called the late daycare mom thinking she could somehow rescue me. No answer. Matthais finally came home so I could leave my kids with him and took off in the truck. When I took a good look at the Tahoe I found out Ian had been doing his own mechanic work....

When I tried to leave it jammed that baby in there harder. Yep. One single event that had me so worked up it ruined my day. Ian usually saves these kind of antics for when it's warmer and he plays outside all day. Guess he's getting a jump start on his trouble making!