I couldn't have recieved this at a more perfect time

Every week I get a LDS nugget. It's a little thought or quote from one of the general authorities. This one came today and is very poingnant in my life right now.

"While most of our suffering is self- inflicted, some is caused by or permitted by God. This sobering reality calls for deep submissiveness, especially when God does not remove the cup from us. In such circumstances, when reminded about the premortal shouting for joy as this life's plan was unfolded (Job 38:7), we can perhaps be pardoned if, in some moments, we wonder what all the shouting was about."

--Neal A. Maxwell, "Willing to Submit", Ensign, May 1985

Nostalgic

Nostalgic

Pronunciation:
\nä-ˈstal-jə, nə- also nȯ-, nō-; nə-ˈstäl-\
1. a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life, to one's home or homeland, or to one's family and friends; a sentimental yearning for the happiness of a former place or time: a nostalgia for his college days.
2. something that elicits or displays nostalgia.

Last night we attended a farewell open house for Steve and Marilyn Adams. They are leaving to serve a mission in the Phillipines. Their son Les was one of Adam's best friends in high school and consequetially a good friend of mine as well. I ate lunch with Les almost every day our senior year. During high school and in the years that followed we developed a close relationship with the Adam's family. Many a day was spent at the Adam's house watching movies or just hanging out. There were seven boys in all. As they married we also developed relationships with the wifes. I love this family!

Les and his wife Elise are expecting their third baby. They've moved to Colorado now so we don't see them much but I keep up with their family via their blog. Les was such a great friend and it's so fun watching his family grow. I wish they were just a little closer.

This is Tara and Dianne. I've watched coutless soccer games with these two girls! I haven't seen either of them for years but I felt right at home with them. Dianne gave me the best sisterly advice when I was pregnant with Matthais. We talked about things NOBODY else had told me. I've always looked up to her and her amazing spirit. Tara is the sweetest, most down to earth person. I hope to be able to her her more often now that they are back in Utah.

This is Clay and his wife Natalie and Adam and his wife Cheryl, two of my favorite people from high school. Clay is a riot and always has something funny to say. Adam's wife Cheryl is absolutely darling and I can see why he fell in love with her.

Being here with these people (in the same church Adam and I attended for 7 years BTW) made me very nostalgic. Not because that time in my life was any better than it is now, just different. I miss times spent with dear friends that have made my life better. I miss our friendships. I miss the fun things we did together. I miss the food fights in the lunch room. The great thing is that we can always pick up where we left off. I think that is one of the things that make a true friend. No matter how long it's been since you've seen each other, when you're together it seems like only yesterday. I love you guys!

Exhaustion

Anyone else as tired as me? I feel like I've been going 1000 mph and barely had time to catch my breath. It's always like that when Adam is gone and I'm on my own. How do single moms do it? How do military moms do it? I don't sleep well when he's gone and the stress alone in enough to do me in. I also wanted the house to look good when Adam came home yesterday which was no easy task. Everything falls apart when I'm on my own but I don't want him to know that. I want him to think I'm a strong capable woman who can handle her four kids. I don't want him to worry about me while he's gone. So, I wanted the house clean. Six, yes SIX hours of cleaning and it looked acceptable. By time he got home around 8:00 I wanted to plop into bed. Of course I was excited to see him and wanted to catch up and do a little snuggling but I was exhausted! I think I finally gave into sleep around 10:00 and slept until 7:45! I woke up in a panic realizing how late it was at that Ian's bus would be here in 5 minutes! The whole house was quiet and everyone was still sleeping so I put the "no bus" sign on the door and climbed back in bed. I could have easily fallen back asleep but I knew I needed to start my day so I just lied there. So here I am now....it's after noon and I'm still dragging my feet wishing I could crawl back into bed. But alas, I'm a busy mom and I have a hungry kid. Exhaustion will just have to wait!

Girls night in

I decided that while Adam was out of town I'd need a little social life to keep me sane. I hosted a girls night in last night and we had a lot of fun playing games and eating. There is just something therapeutic sitting with friends, laughing and chatting. I can't wait to do it again! By request here are the recipes...


Fruit Salsa

3 apples ( I like to use 3 varieties)
2 Kiwi
1 pint strawberries
2 T apple jelly
1 T brown sugar
2 T orange juice

I've also made it omitting the apple jelly and brown sugar and I didn't notice a difference.
Peel and chop and mix it all up! Yummy with taco time's cinnamon crustos!

Enchilada dip

2 lbs cooked chicken
10 oz enchilada sauce (I used medium)
2-8oz packages cream cheese
4 cups shredded pepper jack cheese (both times I've made this I opted for the "taco" cheese. It's found already shredded and has taco seasonings in it)

Melt everything together. I threw it all in a crock pot and just let it all melt and then it kept it warm also. Serve with corn chips.

Look what I learned how to do!

I canned my own chicken! I know, I know, it looks kinda weird but I promise it's totally safe. Now I want a pressure cooker of my own to do more!

Saying Good bye

Last night we said good bye to David and Julie and their family. I feel bad because when they're here I realize how much I miss them but once they're gone life just goes back to normal and I don't make an effort to keep in touch with them. I want to do better! Here are some of my favorite pics from our get together

David and Julie

Owen and Macey are 6 weeks apart and they've just discovered each other. As Macey was getting ready to leave she wanted to give Owen a hug. I told Owen that she wanted a hug and he thought that would be ok and they gave each other the cutest little hug. After Macey decided she wanted to give him a kiss. I told Owen that Macey wanted a kiss and he said "NOOOOOO!" She leaned in anyway and gave him a kiss on the cheek. So cute!

The first thing you notice when you walk into the house is all the shoes. There were so many I couldn't even get them all into the picture!

Ian was in rare form last night. He was very playful and lovey with his uncles.

The girls alway flock to uncle John Jay. They love to climb all over him and he is so cute with them.

It's always fun when we get together!

Matthais Macgyver?

What do you get when you give this...

one of these?

Here is the story...So yesterday Matthais found his knife that grandpa gave him. I've had it for "safe keeping" as in keeping Ian and Owen safe from slicing off their fingers. Owen found it last week so I put it on Adam's dresser until I could find another safe place to keep it but Matthais found it before I had a chance. Little did I know he was carrying it around yesterday but as it turns out I'm glad he was.

We left the little kids with my mom while we took Matthais to the Draper temple dedication. After we enjoyed a pizza dinner with my family. We had a lot of fun but we were in a bit of a hurry to head out to Saratoga Springs to say goodbye to David and Julie and to be part of Brayden's ordination. We rounded our little brood up and headed to the van only to discover Adam had locked the keys in the van. It was deja vu because this same thing happened last time my mom watched the kids for me...only this time Ian was not in the van (you can read about that here!! We hauled the kids back inside to figure out what to do next. Should we call the police to have them come unlock the van? I was a little worried they'd recognize the house and van as being a repeat offender and they'd charge me! Adam thought we should just go get the spare key at home so we were making arrangements for my brother and his wife to drive Adam home when Matthais came running in telling us he had unlocked it. Here is the reenactment


He is either Macgyver or a car thief in the making...either way, don't you think it's kinda scary that my locked van can be opened with a pocket knife? I guess I'd better not leave any valuables in it! And hey...who needs a hide-a-key? I'm just gonna start carrying a knife!

My new friend

I'm a big fan of anything that will make my life easier. I am one of those that is completely happy getting a vacuum for my birthday or a waffle iron for Christmas (yes, It has happened and I was thrilled!). After we put in our hardwood floors I was thrilled that I could wipe up the spilled milk with ease but I found out how much I HATE sweeping. Before I was vacuuming up to six times a day but now all of a sudden I was sweeping like every 10 minutes. And lets face it...vacuuming is so much easier! Another problem I discovered was that while I swept the wood floor, I had three rugs that needed to be vacuumed. So, I would haul up the vacuum to vacuum the rugs, then haul it back downstairs where in now lives. Anyway, I've been searching for a better solution. I've looked at the swifter vac, the shark, and other hard floor vacuums. But...I found something even better!

Meet the Hoover floormate
This baby vacuums, washes the floor and then dries it. I sent Adam the link and asked if I could pretty please have one. He wanted to take a look at it first but wouldn't you know it? No one has it in stock. Saddened, I resolved myself to a life of sweeping and carrying a heavy vacuum up and down the stairs daily. (poor me!) Well, Saturday, while we were in a desperate search for a white hankie, we found one at Sears. Adam took a look at it and approved. I'm in love! It vacuumed the floor and the rugs and then it washed it! and it was so easy! It will also clean up those spilled cups of milk! No more stinky rags waiting to be washed! Now if I could only figure out a way for my kids to quit spilling in the first place...

Swimming with heros

Friday night we headed out to an indoor swimming pool. There is just something about the first day of spring and the beautiful weather to make you itch for summer! The kids were excited to play with their cousins and I had lots of helping hands and actually ENJOYED it (even though my 2 sizes too small swimming suit was cutting off circulation!).






After my sister-in-law Michelle went in and changed she noticed a toddler, probably about 18 months, face down in the water struggling to get her footing. Her face was completely submerged and NO ONE noticed but Michelle. No parent, no lifeguard. Michelle jumped in in her clothes and pulled the baby out. She sat with her for a minute until she recovered and still, no one came. Finally an older sibling came and took the girl from Michelle. We couldn't believe that NO ONE was watching this baby! The dad didn't thank Michelle or even acknowledge anything had happened. AND...Where the heck were the lifeguards? The parents should be the first line of defense and aren't they the second??

Here is Michelle, the hero, dripping wet!

The fam

I just stole this picture from my niece's facebook page. It was taken at my nephew's baptism last year. This is much, but not all, of Adam's family. As far as I can tell we are missing about 15 members of our family and there are 3 people in this picture that don't belong to us. Can you imagine what family get togethers are like with us??

Vote for Kris

My amazingly lovely and talented friend Kris needs your votes. She made this really cool collage from pictures she took on her trip to NY and she is trying to win a trip back. Go ahead and check it out at

http://web.splashcast.net/web_watch/?episodes=My+NYC+ABC
I really do think hers is pretty cool but you can judge for yourself!

Hair

When Emilia was born I was surprised to see a full head of hair.

My boys weren't bald but were definatly lacking in hair. But, they were boys! I was excited and thrilled that my first (and only as it turns out) girl had hair that I could do in many different and fun ways. Believe me, we've had a lot of fun with that hair! When she was around 8 months I started putting rollers in her hair to make it curl.

By her first birthday we could already do pigtails...

Now here we are six years later and I still love to do her hair. However, she has decided she loves to do it herself even more. I'm having a hard time letting go of this special (well, special to me I guess) thing. For one...I hate the way it looks when she does it. Second, it means she's growing up and becoming less dependent on me. Part of me is glad that she is learning how to do this so early so that maybe she'll have it mastered by time she hits Jr. high but another part of me would love to do her hair for at least a few more years. For now we compromise. I let her do it occasionally and most days I at least let her choose how I'll do it.

Today as she insisted on doing her own hair I thought how it's not fair that part of teaching these young ones independence also means letting go! I don't think I'm quite ready.

Museum of Ancient Life

We had an opportunity to go to the Museum of Ancient Life at Thanksgiving point with some of our family tonight. We got tickets to the museum, the mammoth screen 3-D movie, hot dogs, drinks and popcorn for less than a regular priced ticket to the museum! It was a lot of fun although Adam and I had a hard time adjusting our eyes to the 3-D movie. I also wish that we could have spent more time there and not rushed through it since I doubt we'll be going back anytime soon.

Omnicef

So it turns out that Owen is most likely allergic to Omnicef. The Doctor said that the pattern of the hives indicate that he is allergic to something he has eaten rather than something external. And, I guess it's not unusual to be on an antibiotic for days before the allergy manifests. The hives continued to get worse as the day went on until it finally hit me to give him some Benadryl. Duh!! By time he went to bed all were gone except for a few on his legs and bum. Poor little guy! They didn't seem to bother him but he sure looked funny all day!

Sisters

Last night I had the opportunity to go to Zupa's with my sisters-in-law. We were lucky enough to have Julie here from Texas. All the girls were there except Sharilee who is in California and Kinna who was not able to come. I really enjoy my sisters and enjoy each unique personality. I had a great time chatting with Brandi and I realized how much I wish that we all were just a little closer. Friends come and go but our family is forever. I should take more time to nourish and strengthen those relationship that are most important.


I really am lucky to belong to this great group of gals. Each of them brings something different to the family. They are all fabulous mothers and wonderful friends.

Mysterious case of hives

I think hives are the worst because it's hard to figure out the cause of them. It's not like they are life threatening or cause too much discomfort but I hate knowing that something you've eaten or touched has had a reaction with your body. Owen woke up with a mysterious cas of hives this morning. I first noticed them on his face but when I unzipped his jammies they were all over the rest of his body as well. Was it something he ate? Something he touched? I'm using the same detergent I always use. He ate mac and cheese and PB & J for dinner. He is on an antibiotic but this is day 7. I guess we'll never know unless it happens again. Here is my cute boy in his BVD's and his hives.

Blurb

I've been thinking a lot about my blog and how I consider it my journal. Up until now I've been printing off my post's and putting them in a binder. The problem is that it takes a lot of time and a lot of ink and I am way behind. I read on my friend Elise's blog about blurb and thought I'd give it a try. Blurb slurp's (their word) your blog into a book. I couldn't believe how easy it was! I chose which entries to keep and edited it down from 200+ pages down to 160 (mostly changeing fonts and getting rid of irrelevent posts). I also added pictures that were not originally on my blog. Over all I am thrilled with how it turned out and can't wait to have a hard copy of my "journal".

Welcome Spring...

The gateway to summer! We had our first fire of the season. This is one of our favorite things to do when the weather is nice! I think we single handily keep the marshmallow companies in business!


We also broke out the grill and had our first barb-b-que! I cannot wait to be doing this more often.

Here we go again!

Remember how last summer Owen couldn't play in the sandbox unless he was undressed? Well, he's started it again...

My little streaker...I thought he would have outgrown this over the winter....

Who loves me?

My husband does, that's who! Only days after complaining that my mp3 player wasn't working right he came home with this....

He won some promotion at work and instead of choosing something for himself he chose something for me! Isn't that what love is? Sacrifice? I love that man....

How to torture a 5th grader...

Put him in a "traveling show" and make him wear a "skirt".







Doesn't he look so happy?

Follow up on Ian

I know my last post about Ian was very discouraging and I apologize. Life in our house has been chaotic for awhile and I've been very discouraged. I had been praying very earnestly about what course of action to take with Ian. The direction I was being led was the medical route and so I became convinced that there was something going on that caused the sudden change in Ian. Things fell into place so wonderfully and I was able to schedule all the appointments I needed to. I even got into the psyciatrist 5 weeks ahead of schedule (and found out later that I shouldn't have been able too, we should have been taken out of their system and became a "new patient"). Ian is healthy (fabulous news!) and although I was really hoping to avoid medication but we have started him on one. I feel really good about it and we are already seeing progress. I really feel so much lighter already. Thanks for all the thoughts and concerns!

One word challenge

Because I need a new post...

1. Where is your cell phone? questionable
2. Your significant other? magnetic
3. Your hair? lifeless
4. Your mother? heartfelt
5. Your father? grounded
6. Your favorite thing? bed
7. Your dream last night? nothing
8. Your favorite drink? DietCoke
9. Your dream/goal? marathon
10. What room you are in? messiest
11. Your hobby? laziness
12. Your fear? spiders
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. Where were you last night? performance
16. Muffins? poppyseed
17. Wish list item? carpet
18. Where you grew up? home
19. Last thing you did? bath
20. What are you wearing? Jeans
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? pain
23. Friends? busy
24. Your life? insane
25. Your mood? indifferent
26. Missing someone? lots
27. Car? filthy
28. Something you're not wearing? makeup

The five steps of grieving

Denial (this isn't happening to me!)

Anger (why is this happening to me?)

Bargaining (I promise I'll be a better person if...)

Depression (I don't care anymore)

Acceptance (I'm ready for whatever comes)

When Ian was first diagnosed with autism I felt nothing. It meant nothing to me. I knew he was delayed but I felt he would eventually catch up. The second time I was told Ian had autism I cried, still not really understanding what it all meant. Over the years I find myself going through the steps of grieving over and over. Just when I feel I have acceptance, I start over again. Right now I am in the anger stage. I am so angry that no one can tell me exactly what is wrong with my child. I mean, most children with a disability also have a cause i.e. genitic, sickness, accident but with austism they just don't know. Was it something I did during pregnancy? Was it something I did when he was a baby? Did we not nurture him enough? Was it immunaztions? Was it an illness? Why can't someone tell me?? As the years go by and Ian's peers continue to grow and learn and Ian just stays stagnit, his disability becomes more apparent. When he was five and still acting two the gap wasn't as wide as now that he is nine and still acting two. And now with all the added behavior problems I feel like we are starting all over with the initial diagnosis. I've had Ian into several doctors lately and we've had them run several tests. The results? nothing. We know no more today about Ian and his behavior than we did last week. Sooooo frustrating. And I am angry. I just want a cure. I just want someone to help him. I just want him to be normal...

Waiting for a knock on the door...

I've been worried lately what the neighbors think about all of Ian's little tantrums. Any given day at any given time, there are blood curdling screams coming from our house. Add to that Owen the escape artist and I'm sure that DCFS will be knocking on the door any day now.

Monday Ian and Owen were playing in the backyard. I had made sure all the gates were locked and I had the back door open so I could see them and hear them. I was busy in the kitchen when I noticed Ian hit Owen across the face. I marched him inside and up to his room to "time-out". I held the door closed for about five minutes until the door bell ring. I answered the door to see a stranger holding Owen. He had climbed the fence and was playing in the very busy road. To top it off, he was covered in marker and Ian was SCREAMING upstairs. I'm sure I looked like a fabulous mom.

Wednesday I am sitting in my front room busy working on FHE kits for the service auction. The kids were downstairs watching Igor. I look out the window and I watch as a neighbor slowly drives by my house, flips around and drives by again and then finally pulls into my driveway. "I'm being a nosy neighbor" she says, "but Owen is in the road" WHAT??? The doors were all locked but apparently he can escape from that too.

Thursday, I'm in my room folding clothes and Ian and Owen are HAPPILY playing in their room next door. I emphasize happily because Ian was laughing and playing instead of screaming and crying which has become his norm. I was thinking to myself how wonderful it felt to hear laughter coming from him. I went in to get them in their jammies when I notice Ian's hair is bright red. Crap! I think... Ian found the koolaid powder! I look around for the mess I'm sure I have to clean up when I notice bloody hand prints on the wall...Ian is bleeding. I look over his head for the wound but can't find it because there is so much blood. Long story short, I end up taking Ian to the same after hours office that I took Owen to in January. The receptions asks "weren't you just in here for this same thing not too long ago?" And imagin their surprise when I said "I have no idea how or when it happened". Ian did not cry. Not a single peep. I don't have a clue although there was a patch of blood on the edge of the door about his height up. But still...did he fall, did Owen slam the door, how the crap did it happen? No staples this time. Although he needed them, he put up a fight and the doctor decided he'd be ok without them.

So, yes, crown me bad mother of the year already! Just be sure to vouch for me when someone calls the state on me!

Coming to a town near you...

Quite possibly the BEST news I've had in weeks...Zupas is coming to American Fork!!! MMMMMMMM....zupas......I SO can't wait!

Craptacular

That about sums up how I feel these days.

Ian...AKA The Incredible Hulk

At 9:30 I got a call from the school. I immediatly go into panic mode when I get a call from the school; is there a problem, a siezure, is Ian totally out of control? They needed me to bring Ian a new shirt. He had torn a huge hole in his.




It's reasons like this that I love Ian's teacher and Aides so much...They put up with things like this and still continue to come to work...

I haven't felt like blogging much. There have been times in my blogging life when leaving the same boring old post sent me into some insane blogging anxiety but I haven't felt that lately. I feel like I'm in full blown crisis mode here at my house and frankly...I just can't deal. Not that there isn't plenty to blog about...in fact, I even started my own private blog about Ian in hope to help figure out what is going on with him. But... I haven't written in that one either. I feel overwhelmed. Dumped upon. Even Absent. But...I have a feeling we'll be getting some answers soon and that things will improve. So, those few of you faithful readers who eagerly await a new post each day (I'm talking to you Miss!) Be patient. I should return to my old blogging self soon...