Celebrity Morph by MyHeritage

So I'm messing around at my heritage again tonight. Apparently, I look like the current first lady. At least I know what celebrity I look the most like if I ever have to answer the question "What celebrity do you most look like?" (like for the Elders Quorum's newlywed game!)

MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity

Testimony as a process

Our lesson yesterday was from Elder Carlos A Godoy's talk from general conference titled Testimony as a process. It made me give thought to my own testimony and my conversion to the gospel. I grew up in an inactive home. In fact, to this day I'm not really sure if my parents were ever baptized. I'm assuming they have been; I guess I should ask. Anyway, I attended church on and off growing up but my mom always dropped us off and picked us up. I was baptized when I was 10. I'm not sure why or how but I'm sure that the bishop or primary president or someone was looking after me and anxious to get me baptized. I didn't have to take the missionary lessons like you have to these days if you are baptized after the age of eight. To be honest I don't think I knew what I was doing. Not that I regret it...

The next 6 years I spent attending church occasionally and making some choices I would learn to regret. I had all sorts of friends active in the church but being a teenager I found the rules set by the church too restricting so I pretty much stayed away. In 1991 my mom remarried and uprooted our family and moved us to the then small town of Lehi. I tried to rebel in the usual teenage ways but I found that the teens in Lehi were a tad bit more mellow than those I hung around with in Provo. To fit in, I had to be good. Still, I wasn't interested in being churchy. I remember one night siting in the car with some friends when Missy said she wouldn't get married in the temple because her dad couldn't give her away. I agreed and decided I would never marry in the temple either. I met Adam that year but didn't start dating him until May of 1992. Little did I know how my life would change.

Adam and I started dating the end of our Junior year. Adam had been chosen to be on the Seminary council and so I decided that during my Senior year I'd better take Seminary. I was afraid of how it would look if we were dating and I wasn't in Seminary. This is where I experienced my first powerful spiritual experience.

I had never been taught to pray. I wasn't quite sure how to pray. In fact, once in primary the kids laughed at me and my prayer. I never wanted to pray aloud again. So I said my prayers in my own little way. Laying in bed I said something like "Heavenly father, I need help. I want to be good. I want to feel loved." Those are the only things I remember saying. The next morning in Seminary the teacher Brother Anderson was calling roll. He called my name then stopped. "huh'" he said." Angela, I had a dream about you last night." The room full of teenagers giggled and Ooooohed. "no," he continued, "I usually dream about my students when they need help." Looking back I probably should have been embarrassed that he announced my need for help to the whole class. But, it that moment I knew there was a God, I knew that he heard and answered prayers and I knew he was sending me help. I hung on every word Brother Anderson spoke. We were studying the New Testament and I learned to love Christ. I learned that he loved me.

It was few more months after that day before Adam talked me into attending my own ward. At first I would only go to sacrament. Then I added Sunday school. I had a hard time going to Young Women's because I found the girls judgemental and snobbish. I lived in a home where there was drinking and smoking and they all knew it. Eventually I did start attending and my testimony grew.

My testimony was given a jump start so-to -speak but the rest of it was defiantly a process. I learned to pray. I paid my tithing. I read my scriptures. And, my heart began to feel as though it might burst. I knew it was all true. Adam and I grew closer and sadly, I started drifting from my family. Suddenly we didn't have the same things in common and I had a different goal. When it came time for Adam and I to marry there was no doubt where I wanted it to be. I was going to be married in the temple. I know that my choice to be married there was hard on my family. I am the oldest and was the first to be married. My parents were rightly hurt. But...I knew it was the right thing to do.

Over the years the Spirit has given me the occasional whisper to the truthfulness of the gospel. There has been no thunder, no lightening. But many times I have been "pierced to the soul". I have a testimony. I know that our Heavenly Father lives. I know He loves us. He hears us and he answers when we pray. I know that Jesus Christ is our Savior. I know he died for us. I know we have a living prophet of God here on the earth today just as the days of old. I know the Book of Mormon is the word of God, just as the Bible is. It's all true. If you want to know for yourself...all you have to do is ask. I share this with you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

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MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

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MyHeritage: Family tree - Genealogy - Celebrity - Collage - Morph

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MyHeritage: Look-alike Meter - Antique photographs - Geneology

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My Broken camera...

Turns out, is not broken. At my mom's house Christmas Eve I discovered my SD card was locked and the little switch on it was broken off. So, on our way home we stopped at the only store open at 9:00 on Christmas Eve, Walgreens, and bought a new card. $20 later we had a brand new 4GB SD card. I popped it into my camera and my camera no longer powered up. I switched the batteries and same thing...no power. So, I used Matthais Camera and his SD card to take pictures Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning. When we headed out to Adam's family party I popped the 4GB into Matthais's camera which I have been using ever since. This morning I tried to load all of the pics off of that SD card onto the computer to no avail. I kept getting an error message. Long story short. I bought a SDHC card. I don't even have any idea what that means other than it won't work with my camera or my transfer station. So...I have lots of new pics to share and stories to tell but they have to wait. Stayed tuned!!!

My Christmas Present

Followers of my blog know that this has been long overdue. I am constantly scrubbing something gross out of my carpet. Bound to happen when you have carpet in your dining room!!! After the last episode with syrup I decided it was time. So, I am happy to show you my FAVORITE Christmas gift!! I chose the lightweight version because of my four level-split house. I'm also hoping that my 2 year promise of hardwood floors is finally going to come to fruition this next year and I won't have to worry about the gross and dirty dining room carpet anymore. I am excited to give it a try. Or... maybe not. Actually, I hope it stays in the box a little while longer. Not a chance with my crew!

Christmas morning

At 6:01 I heard the pitter patter of little feet. Matthais had been awake since about 3:00 and as soon as the clock turned 6 he came upstairs. I remember doing this as a kid. I would lie awake watching the clock not able to sleep from the excitement!


I realized it after the fact but I got pictures of the kids opening their present from Santa but none of them after. So, here is Ian opening his spider man scooter.

Millie opening her FurReal kitty cat

Matthais opening his portable DVD player

Owen and his trains.


I have admit...I love our three gift tradition. I know I get a little self righteous about it at times but I really do think kids these days get way more than they need! Even with our tradition my own kids get more than they need! Just because we have more stuff does not mean that we are more blessed. Blessings come in all shapes and forms and I don't want my kids growing up to just EXPECT that they will be given all they want. This year Matthais didn't get what he wanted. It was a good lesson for him and he is grateful for what he did get. We did break the 3 present rule with him this year and he did get a little spoiled! At the last minute a relative gave us a bike that they couldn't use so Santa brought him a bike as well. I felt a little bad about the rule breaking but the other kids did not notice. It was a great morning! We didn't have to be anywhere until 4 so we spent the morning trying out our new toys and watching a new movie or two!

Christmas Eve

My Camera decided to die... On Christmas eve. It started out with a broken memory card. Then it decided not to power up at all. Luckily I have Matthais's camera. Christmas eve was a bust. It went from bad to worse with me crying throughout the day. I will spare you the details and instead I will share a few of the highlights

This is Millie sprinkling the "magic dust" on the porch. It was oatmeal to attract the reindeer and glitter to make our house shine like a star. She was a little disappointed that the reindeer didn't eat the oatmeal.

The kids frosting cookies for Santa. Ian and Owen kept licking their fingers and then smashing them into the cookies and frosting trying to get the sprinkles to stay. YUM! Santa loved them for sure!

The kiddos all ready for bed in their new pajamas. The kids went to bed very easily. I remember not being able to go to sleep when I was kid! We told the kids that they could not get out of bed before 6:00. I should have known that they'd stroll into our room at 6:01!

No suprise...

After reading Becky's last post and her mention that she is a yellow (The colorcode personality test) I decided to try it out. No suprise there... I am blue. Here is what it said about blue

Congratulations. You are BLUE.

BLUES are motivated by INTIMACY. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

BLUES have distinct preferences and have the most controlling personality. Their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be self-righteous, worry-prone, and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone, once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE, be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Those who know me, those who truly understand me and know the deepest desires of my heart will know why this is no surprise...

I wrote a big long post about this and decided not to post it. It was too personal and I was risking hurting some feelings. I saved it to be printed for my own personal use. This description of my personality revealed so much to me about why I feel the way I do about my friendships and why I desire so much more than I have. I've talked to some of you about this already so you know exactly what I'm talking about. It's just nice to know that maybe I'm not crazy after all...

Another family party

Saturday was another family party. It's tradition that we each bring an ornament. We exchange them white elephant style and my uncle Brett always starts out the exchange with wager on who's going to cry this year.

Owen was number 2 and he quickly hid his ornament behind the chair so no one would steal it! Smart kid!

The newlyweds Jordan and Abby. Brett kept teasing Jordan that he'd be the one to cry since this was his first year. They didn't keep this ornament long.

This is my sister, my grandma and me. Grandmas is recovering from her second bout of breast cancer.


This is my gorgeous niece Kelsey.


Matthais and one of the ornaments we ended up with. Owen got a snowman ornament, Millie a Hannah Montana ornament, Ian a miniature view-master ornament, and Matthais got a Santa/fish ornament. We were being the antagonistic family and stealing even when we really didn't want it. We'll be in trouble next year!

Party on!

Friday was the annual family Adult Party. We've done this for several years and we always have a blast. This year we were bummed because we were invited to party here in our neighborhood and really wanted to go but it was the same night. Just when we thought we were finally making friends...


This year was fun because we're getting nieces and nephews that are qualifying as adults and so they were there. I don't think they quite knew what to expect. You can read Brylie's take on it here. She brought a boy and was so nervous!!

We did the traditional white elephant gift exchange and I ended up with the one that gets brought every year...a five in one vacuum thingy! I think it has been at the last 3 parties and of course I ended up with it! We left it under Jayne and Jeremy's tree and I'm sure it will make it's way to next year's party!

I think it's really great that most of the family lives near each other and we get along so well. We have a lot of great times together!

Can you feel it???

Christmas is less than one week away...I'm starting to feel it! Such an exciting joyful time! However...school is out after today for 2 weeks. I am looking forward to no carpool, no activities, no schedule. I am not looking forward to the build up of emotions until Christmas and the crash afterwards!You know how it is...kids are so excited about the upcoming holiday that they can't contain themselves. I can't blame them really, I get the same way! The next six days will be hard with whiny, moody, fighting kids...And I can't just send them out...We live on the wrong side of the neighborhood. Any playtime my kids get has to be arranged since there are practically no kids on our street. What's a mom to do? Well, for starters, I'll be stocking up on diet coke! And lots of goodies and snacks! And I'll be looking for a lunch date or two...Any takers?

I spoke too soon...

Yesterday I got the last of the Christmas cards in the mail. In each of them was a glowing newsletter about my family and a mention that Ian has not had a seizure since March. I should know better. I should never talk about Ian's seizure's. I was setting us up. Last night I came out of my room to a pile of puke in the hall. Ian was in the bathroom with lots more puke. He was acting really strange and I wasn't sure if it was cause he was sick or because he was having a seizure. I had Adam come get him and I cleaned up the mess. When I came downstairs I could tell that he was not alright. He was responsive,thankfully, but he could form words and would reply to us in gobbledygook. It was much like the first seizure he had...the one that started it all... It started with a stomach virus too...He was pointing to nothing and talking in gibberish. Same as last night. Thankfully it lasted only a few minutes this time. Poor kid. Just when I thought we were headed in the right direction...

The great and terrible two's....

I was just telling Rach the other day how I love the 2 year-old stage. I really do. They are so filled with wonder and excitement. Everything is so new and exciting at 2. And yes, they are naughty. But it's all in the name of exploration right? They're just trying to figure things out right?

Ok, so I have to tell myself all of this. My little Owen; what a cutie. But what a naughty little thing. It never ends. Just this morning he took a bath with a scrapbook I spent hours on for Keegan. He just wanted to look at it. He "made himself handsome" AGAIN, after I had just spent 5 mins washing the hairspray out of his hair from when he "made himself handsome" yesterday. He climbed on the fridge to get some candy and broke the darling jar someone had just gave us for Christmas. When he didn't get the candy, he decided to raid the gingerbread house. I'm still finding cereal from his escapades from Sunday. And...all the marker on the wall...

He tells me no constantly. And his new favorite word is "stupid". He can now undo his carseat. And he loves to hit. Sigh.

Two-year-olds are busy. And mine is naughty. But boy...I sure love him
.

This is Owen after he rubbed lotion in his hair. He's always rubbing something in his hair. And he loves lotion.

What I love about the Christmas season...

You know how certain smells or sounds can bring a rush a feelings to you? That is how I feel at Christmas time. The smells, the songs, the familiarity...Here are a few of my favorite things about Christmas.



I love the nutcracker. I love the music, I love the movement, I love the story. When I was a little girl I dreamt about dancing in the nutcracker. I never really studied ballet much but I still always dreamt of the day I could dance on pointe. I never did. Now I have a daughter and even though I would never push her to live my dreams...I am so happy to watch her on stage dancing in the nutcracker.
This is Millie after her last nutcracker performance with our good friend Jen who, for those who know her, IS GETTING MARRIED!!! (december 27th Woohoo!)





This is my very most favorite Christmas decoration. It was a gift from the Rach a few Christmas's back. This is the reason I can't wait to get my holiday stuff out. Forget the tree. I want to play with the little people. (by the way, the other wise man is downstairs visiting the other little people...my kids love it too!)






I love opening my mailbox to a Christmas card. If it has a newsletter it's even better! I think that sending cards has kind of fallen to the wayside for most people but I still love to do it. It all started when Jen was first married and she sent me a Christmas card. It seemed like such a grown up thing to do and I couldn't wait to mail my first one! I have done it every year for 13 years now and I've saved every picture and newsletter we've received. Sorry, if you just mail a card, I cherish it during the holidays but I then throw it out. Sorry. I felt a little silly sending out newsletters this year because of my blog. I felt like I was just repeating myself. But since no one really reads this anyway...

I love the snow. For the most part anyway. You have to have snow for Christmas. There is just something about it that makes you want to huddle together with your loved ones and waste away the day. Oh ya, it's the COLD that makes you want to do that! Another great thing about the cold...you can keep a 12 pack of diet coke in the back of your van for all those Christmas parties that aren't serving it. It's always cold and then you don't have to try to choke down one of those other sugery concoctions they are always serving. I've already had to do it this year! And hey...the snow could always be worse right?

I love the Christmas music. I can't sing a note to save my life but I love to belt out those Christmas songs. They are so warm and familiar. And so beautiful. But, I do have to say...I really don't like them before December 1st. Sorry if you sit in front of me or next to me at church...

Last but not least...I love the feeling of love that surrounds us. It's amazing the goodness you feel from people this time of the year. It's that whole peace on earth goodwill to men thing. It's too bad we don't always have that in our hearts year round. We are always worrying about our loved ones, neighbors and heck, even strangers at Christmas time but during the year, sometimes we forget. We all have such capacity to love! We really ought to do as our Savior has commanded and love one another. Not just at Christmas but always!

It's such a great time of year to reflect on our Savior and his birth. He was born and he died for each of us that we may be free from the pains of this world. He has given everything for us and all he asks is that we follow him.

I hope you can find the peace and love of our Savior this Christmas season!

I take it all back!

So previously I posted about how I love being in the hustle and bustle of Christmas. I take it back. If I have to go back to Walmart one more time before Christmas I may just have to jump in front of a moving bus. Seriously. Even if I chose the shortest line, I end up being in the LONGEST line. And forget trying to return anything. It took me over 45 minutes to return something yesterday. And after I had waited those 45 mins and then did my shopping and stood in line another 20 minutes (like I said...I chose the WRONG line! Even though it was the 20 items or less line!UGH!) I realized they had overcharged me. I bought some biscuits...you know the ones that are in packs of four for $1.68...well, she charged me for 4! That's almost $5! I looked at the customer service line and wanted to die. But...I'm a cheapskate so $5 is a big Deal! Who wants to pay $8 bucks for biscuits? They're not even that good! Luckily I flagged down a worker who helped me out without having to wait. Seriously though...I'm done with walmart until AFTER Christmas. Just thinking about it makes my heart race and the walls start closing in...Xanax please!

A little boost

So normally I hate having parties. I hate inviting people over with the sole intention of roping them into buying something they don't need or want. I love Kris and I love Saying it Simply. I really wanted to see her and I wanted more people to know of her amazing talent so I had an open house for her. These kinda things are never simple. First there is delivering the invites. I got off to a late start with this and ended up delivering them on a very windy night. My heart cringed as I watched one blow off a neighbors door and I wondered how many more of them would end up just like that...blowing off in the wind. Second, it's Christmas time. If you're like me you have some sort of obligation almost every night. I was stressed about the turn out right from the get go. Then you have to think about the food. What do I want to serve? Then you get to spend the day preparing it (or, if your like me, buying it from Maceys! I did, however, make the sweets). And finally...you get to spend the entire day cleaning. And cleaning. And then re-cleaning. I thought I would beat my kids yesterday. I kid you not, minutes, MINUTES, before the first knock on the door Owen proudly announced "I pooped in my unders! Ha ha!!" So as I was busy cleaning up that mess I hear a CRASH! in the other bathroom. Ian had dumped out all of Emilia's hair stuff. Those tiny little elastic bands are hard to clean up! And this after spilled juice, spilled diet coke, smashed crackers and a raisin fight. I was losing patience fast. Luckily Adam rescued me and the kids and took them out to his moms. The turn out was great. Who knew I actually had friends??? Ok, so some of them were really there to see Kris but there were people in my ward and others who came who didn't know Kris. They were there for me. It was just the boost I needed. So now I know. Next time I need a little boost of self confidence I'll throw a party. And I promise. Next time I won't try to sell you anything!

A big fat THANK YOU to Janelle!

I was out and about passing out invites the other night when I stopped at Janelle's. Scott was playing with some trains and I mentioned how Owen is really into Thomas. (obsessed is more like it). Anyway...She had a train table that she was getting rid of. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I'm thinking to myself. And she says...if you don't want it I won't feel bad. I'm jumping up and down inside but I'm trying to act all cool and I say "no, of course. I want it" But what I really want to say is "I'M TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!" So...Thanks for making my day Janelle and Owen is going to freak out Christmas morning. And...Scott is welcome to visit it anytime!

Therapy for a fraction of the cost

Last night I was fortunate enough to spend the night (into the wee hours of the morn!) with my friend Becky. It was great to get out and away and to have someone to talk to who would withhold judgement and be helpful. I had a lot of fun and learned a lot about her and even more about me. I feel so much lighter today. I wish I could do that more often! It's amazing how talking about things can make you see them in a different perspective. And sometimes you don't see the whole picture. I came home and did a lot of thinking about who I am and who I want to be and for the first time in a really long time I am looking forward to a new day and the possibilities it holds. I choose not to be weighted down with useless worries and fears and I'm still finding joy in the journey. Here's to today!

Saying it Simply Open house

I'm hosting an open house for Saying it Simply on Thursday December 11 from 5-8. SIS has amazing home and holiday decor. Come finish your Christmas shopping! Call or email for any other details.

Tis the season to shop til you drop!

I'm done with my Christmas shopping. Yet...I can't shake off the urge to shop. There is something that is so therapeutic about shopping for me. Adam was out of town this week and I found myself at the store daily buying one or two things but walking around the store as long as I possibly could. Retail therapy. I needed my daily dose. So now, Adam is back and I don't need to spend another dime on Christmas and yet I'm thinking about all the places I would love to go and just "look". I went to the mall last week but I had four kids in tow so I didn't even window shop. The mall has been calling out to me.."come Angi...just take a look". I've even dreamed about it. The funny thing is...I HATE the mall. I HATE crowds. And I HATE shopping alone.... Normally. But, not at Christmas.

1,000,000

I love a new year. I love the chance to reflect and set new goals. I'm really good at setting goals (not so good at achieving them) and I do it several times a year...not just at New Years. I think that personal improvement is something we should constantly work on. I am so excited about our Stake's 2009 goals and I can't wait to get started.

— 1,000,000 Names (family indexing) Individually- one batch a week
— 1,000,000 Pages (Book of Mormon) Individually- read the Book of Mormon
— 1,000,000 Minutes (service, missionary work, temple) Individually-90 minutes a month
— 1,000,000 Dollars (reduce debt, or save) Individually-$1000 reduction or savings
— 1,000,000 Pounds (food storage) Individually-Each family store 1 year of basics.

I am really grateful for the leadership in our Stake and I know these goals were inspired. I am going to work really hard to follow and I know I will be blessed in my efforts.

A chance to reflect

Today my cousin Abby was married in the Salt lake temple. Not only was it a much needed break from my everyday routine, it was a great chance for me to reflect. It will be 14 years ago in February since Adam and I were married in the SLC temple. The decision to marry Adam was an easy one. At only 19 I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I had made the right decision. Getting married in the temple was a bit harder. I never grew up dreaming of a temple wedding. The truth is, I had never even thought about it until I met Adam. Even though I had a testimony of the gospel and of eternal families, I was torn between what I knew was the right thing to and the disappointment of my family who wouldn't be there. In the end I know I made the right decision. I can't imagine my life without Adam. He is by far my best friend. He puts up with so much and loves me in spite of my weaknesses. He has listened to my countless hours of crying and whining about my girl issues (emotional, not physical! :) ) and he always tries to make it better even though he can't. He is genuinely concerned about me and never complains when he comes home to the house in shambles. I am very lucky to have someone who loves me, the way that I am. So many times I feel like I need to change the way I am for others (yes, I know, I have issues) but I don't feel that way with Adam. With all the things I've been struggling with lately I am thankful for the rock that Adam is. He always helps me see the light at the end of the tunnel and his hugs always stop the tears. It hasn't always been easy but I can truly say I am a better person because of him. I love him more today than I did yesterday...and I didn't even think that was possible. So thank you Adam. Thank you for letting me be me and Thank you for loving me.

Finding Joy in the Journey

When President Monson gave this talk in conference last month I had know doubt he was speaking to me. Recent events in my life have only confirmed it. I was feeling especially down and lonely yesterday so I decided to pull it out and read it again.

Yesterday was a hard day with Owen. He was excessively naughty and I had a hard time keeping up. I felt like I was drowning and no one was throwing me a rope. By time Adam came home I was defeated. As I sat sulking on the couch I pulled out this article and decided to read it. The first thing that hit me like a ton of bricks was this: "If you are still in the process of raising children, be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled will disappear all too soon and that you will—to your surprise—miss them profoundly." What? How on earth will I ever miss this! I'm looking around at the crumbs and toys on the floor and the dishes in the sink. It seems like I can never really accomplish anything. I get the dishes done in the morning only to have more at lunch. I get the toys picked up only to have more dragged out. I get the laundry done only to have piles more at the end of the day. I know that as mothers we feel this way more often than not. Will I ever really miss this? The answer came as I was folding laundry. I held up Owen's little size 2 jeans and realized...he will never be this small again. I've thought about that often enough but it's never been as profound as in that one moment. Now is the time.

President Monson goes on to say: "Stresses in our lives come regardless of our circumstances. We must deal with them the best we can. But we should not let them get in the way of what is most important—and what is most important almost always involves the people around us. Often we assume that they must know how much we love them. But we should never assume; we should let them know. Wrote William Shakespeare, “They do not love that do not show their love.”3 We will never regret the kind words spoken or the affection shown. Rather, our regrets will come if such things are omitted from our relationships with those who mean the most to us. Send that note to the friend you’ve been neglecting; give your child a hug; give your parents a hug; say “I love you” more; always express your thanks. Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved. Friends move away, children grow up, loved ones pass on. It’s so easy to take others for granted, until that day when they’re gone from our lives and we are left with feelings of “what if” and “if only.” Said author Harriet Beecher Stowe, “The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”4"

Never let a problem to be solved be more important than a person to be loved....

So many times we are consumed with all that is going on around us. Lately I have been surrounded by grief, anger, hurt and pain. Not only my own but others as well. I've felt very weighed down thinking that I need to be the one to fix it all. I am still aching over my cousins husband, I am aching over several family members alcohol and drug use, I am aching over the tension in my family, I am aching over my feelings of no self- worth. I am so consumed by these feelings that I am losing sight of those things that matter most...Those precious ones around me who love me unconditionally...They are what is most important.

Our realization of what is most important in life goes hand in hand with gratitude for our blessings.
Said one well-known author: “Both abundance and lack [of abundance] exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend . . . when we choose not to focus on what is missing from our lives but are grateful for the abundance that’s present—love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature, and personal pursuits that bring us [happiness]—the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth.”6 I've realized that I've been living my life in the reality of lack of abundance. Never in a physical way. I've never been too materialistic. But...I've really been focused lately on all the things I don't have...a clean house, perfect kids, a social life, etc... I've been tending the wrong garden. No wonder I'm always so miserable!! I haven't seen all the good and glorious things I've been blessed with! Just the fact that I have the gospel in my life is my own personal miracle. "In the Doctrine and Covenants, section 88, verse 33, we are told: 'For what doth it profit a man if a gift is bestowed upon him, and he receive not the gift? Behold, he rejoices not in that which is given unto him, neither rejoices in him who is the giver of the gift.'”

So, today, in the spirit of Thanksgiving and because of my love for the Savior, I am going to focus on those things I am thankful for. I am going to look at every thing as a blessing and a joy. I am going to play with my children more, worry about the messes less. I am going tell those I care about that I love them. I am going to find the "joy in the journey." "Despite the changes which come into our lives and with gratitude in our hearts, may we fill our days—as much as we can—with those things which matter most. May we cherish those we hold dear and express our love to them in word and in deed."

(President Monson's full talk can be found at http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-947-26,00.html)

Early stages of Alzheimer's???

Ok...so I have a problem. A rather serious problem. I have the memory the size of a peanut. I am having a hard time remembering to do the everyday things I am used to doing.Take today for instance. It's 1:00 and I'm just now remembering to brush my teeth. Earlier today I completely forgot I was taking the kids to their mom and taking Christi to school. It was like...one minute I was thinking about doing it and the next minute I was getting irritated she wasn't here to pick her kids up yet. Seriously. I can't tell you how many speech therapy appointments, dance classes or scout meetings we've missed lately. I even have the timer set today so I don't miss another speech appointment. It doesn't matter if it's on my calendar, to do list or even written on my hand...I tend to forget things. I'll see it on my calendar or on my to-do list but when it's time to actually do the action...I forget. I don't even dare call Chrisi's mom since I feel so stupid. What is my problem??

Last year I asked a friend about a pink toilet that had been placed on her lawn. It had the letters MAAD on it. She explained to me that her friends and her had come up with MAAD after someone had read an article about Alzheimer's and how you were less likely to get it if women (ok, reaching deep into my memory here...)have good friends, laugh (thus the pink toilet), keep learning and exercise. They thought that explained them and thus coined it MAAD: Mothers Against Alzheimer's Disease.

How am I going to combat this? Maybe it's time to start my own chapter of MAAD...

Hi, my name is Angi and I'm a facebook addict

Ok, I admit it. I really, really love facebook. Really. I check facebook a few times a day. Oh wait, several times a day. Ok, who am I kidding. I am on facebook pretty much all day. Well, it's on my computer all day and I hit the refresh button every 20 mins or so. It's funny the reaction you get from people when they find out you "facebook". "Really?" someone asked the other day..."why?" Hmm. Good question. Well, I've reconnected with so many people I've lost contact with over the years. "why do you care what the who sat next to you in 7th grade English is doing today?" I don't know. Maybe I hope to find that maybe I'm not as crazy as someone else out there. The truth is that I really don't care what that girl is up to. It's hard to say no to friend requests. If I know them, I'll add them. Lame huh? It's a metaphor for my life. On facebook I have friends. 152 to be exact. Someone wants to be my friend. Ahh...give me a sense of worth! Not really but hey, I really have connected with people I've always wondered about. Like my first "real" boyfriend. The one I thought was "the one". The one I almost flunked out of 10th grade just so I could spend every minute I could with. Yep, no regrets there. I found that I can send Rach a message almost anytime of the day and I get an immediate response. Karissa too. I probably talk to them more than ever now and now that Karissa is no longer in Utah, I'm sure that this will be the only way we communicate!! I found Chris! The boy who grew up next door to me and was my BEST friend. I loved him and cried when he got married. We always joked that if we weren't married by 26 we'd marry each other. Neither of us even made it to 20! I get to keep in touch with my aunt Darcee who I normally only see at Christmas. I also get to keep tabs on my little brothers and neices and nephews who think I'm cool because I'm on facebook! (you know you do!) I get an insight into their lives that I don't get seeing them at family functions. I guess it's all this and more that keeps me coming back. It really sounds lame that I could be so comsumed by something so...so...trite. But...it keeps me coming back for more. If you ever want to find me...try facebook. I'm sure I'll be there! In fact, I'm going there now...

8 reasons why I will never go to a midnight movie again.

1. I had the worst headache I've had in years...all day long.

2. If I had any sort of conversation with you at all yesterday...I probably don't remember it.

3. I *almost* bought a regular coke yesterday.

4. After I realized I had a regular coke at the counter, and I then exchanged it for a diet...I noticed my shirt was on inside out AND backwards.

5. I cried and cried for hours yesterday...my poor husband didn't know what to do with me.

6. I threw the biggest fit at my kids yesterday...literally...I threw things to show them how mad I was. (ok, so I only threw the towel that I had just finished sopping up a 1/2 gallon of milk with. Still, pretty stupid.

7. I sat at a green light until it turned red. The car behind me was mad. I couldn't figure out why they were honking at me.

8. I answered the phone yesterday and mumbled some incoherent garbage (I have no idea what I said...I was almost asleep!) to which the lady responded..."I think I have the wrong number!"

Let's face it...I'm not a kid anymore. I used to pull all-nighters all the time. I've realized just how much I need and enjoy my sleep.

Missing girls night out again

Seems like I can't go more often than not these days. Last month the girls had to change it from Friday to Saturday which happened to be my super-Saturday. I was gone from 8 in the morning until 6 that evening. There was no way a night out on the town was gonna fly. This month (today) is the night of our ward party and we can't switch GNO to Saturday. It's frustrating and sad for me just because my little group (minus me) sees each other quite often; they're in the same ward and often have spontaneous get-togethers. Since I'm no longer in the immediate area and tied down with kids...

So here's the thing that is bothering me today. I have no social life outside these monthly nights out. None. I don't do Bunco anymore, I don't have neighbors I talk to or lunch with friends on occasion. If I leave my house during the day it's to take care of kid issues, or food issues or because I just can't stand to be home any longer. These last two times of missing GNO have been spent at ward functions. You'd think that after two years of living here I would be excited about going and it would be some sort of consolation to missing a night out with friends. It's not. I almost guarantee I won't talk to anyone tonight unless I talk to them first. And more likely than not my night will be spent chasing Ian and Owen and I will miss out on any of the festivities taking place.

I'm drowning. I need a good night with some good feelings and good laughter. Maybe I'm just super-emotional from my lack of any meaningful sleep. Maybe I'll be wrong. A girl can only hope.

Me + no sleep = walking zombie

Ok, so it's totally my own fault. And...it was totally worth it. I loved the movie. But...I am paying for it today. I am a 9hrs of sleep kinda gal. Really, anything less than that I'm in trouble. Today I'm running on 6 hrs less than that. I've already pumped some caffeine into my system with no luck. I am still a mess. 3 hours til nap time...hope I can make it.

I can't wait...

12:01 a.m.

What am I thinking? let's face it...I'm not a teenager anymore!

Nutcracker season has arrived!

Yes, it's that time of year again! I love the nutcracker and I love Millie's dance company's production. The girls work so hard to prepare for it! This year Millie is a bon-bon. She loves it because as she says "Bon-bons are the craziest!" She's already performed once at a Christmas show and she has a few more performances in December. Let me know if you'd like to come and I'll give you the details. They are charging this year which sucks for you but not for me...it cut our concert fee in half!! Tickets are $5 pre-bought, $6 at the door.

Project: Organization-Menus

Well I finally revamped our menus and made it more practical. For instance I had our sandwich night on thursday. Since I do our shopping on Saturday, the fresh buns and rolls I buy for our sandwichs either goes bad or needs to be frozen (which, I'd rather not). I also threw in a pizza night since we almost always have pizza once a week. The final change I made was to have a "peoples choice" night and assigned each person a week to choose dinner. "people's choice" night is on Saturday so that I can by whatever it is they're craving that day when I do my shopping.. The benefits of having a working menu are amazing! I am never wondering what I'm making for dinner at the last minute. It also helps with shopping and food storage. The way Marie Ricks suggests you do in menus is to have a vegetable, fruit and theme assigned to each day of the week. For instance, Wednesday is our mexican night. Week 1 is White chicken enchiladas, week 2 is beef enchiladas, etc. Even though the main course changes week to week the vegetable and the fruit is the same each week. On our Mexican night we have Corn and applesauce. This is how it helps with the food storage. If I want to have a 3 month supply of our everyday foods, I know that I need 12 cans of corn and 12 cans of applesauce for our wednesday meals. Do that for each night of the week and you have your basic 3 month storage. I feel a huge weight has been lifted by getting my menus in order again. And if you ever want to know what's for dinner, I can tell you!

That kind of mom

Do you ever just look around and wonder "how on earth did I get here?" 15 years ago Adam and I were dating, getting ready for him to go on a mission. We knew we wanted to get married and have kids but we never knew what we really had in store. All those times we talked about kids, never in a million years did we think one of them would have Autism and epilepsy. It's just not the kind of thing you "plan". I remember saying things like "we'll have 4 kids, 2 girls, 2 boys and their names will be yadda, yadda, yadda...." You know what I mean....Never in a million year did I think I would be HERE. Not that here is so bad. It's just funny how life can throw you those little curve balls.

Sunday was our primary program. It was so funny watching Matthais singing in what is probably his last primary program with a big scowl on his face. He had to make sure everyone knew just how miserable he was. I remember soon after he was born I was called to the primary presidency and I couldn't wait until he was old enough to participate in the primary program. I wished away so many of his younger years! I couldn't wait til he could walk, talk, go to school. I wish I had those days back.

I've been thinking a lot about our decision to not have anymore kids. In a way, I feel like that decision was made for us. Owen's birth and the time surrounding his birth was a very hard time for me. We had a lot of things happening all at once and I had a hard time being happy because of all the stress. Add to that a scary delivery and a baby in the NICU for a week and I was close to a breaking point. Two months later Ian had his first seizure and thus began our new life with not only autism, but epilepsy as well. Up until that point I had always felt like I could handle more kids and that I would have even liked to have another. That all changed in the months following Ian's seizure. I knew that if I ever did have another one it wouldn't be fair to that child or to the children I already had. I was too spread thin.

So here we are more than two years later, Ian's seizures are under control, the autism is well, autism, and I know longer have a brand new baby. Surely I could be a good mom to one more right?(if it were physically possible, which it is not!) I've been second guessing myself. I watch all of these amazing women go on to have5, 6 and even 7 kids! And they do it with grace and ease. And then there is me.

Matthais has been causing a lot of problems in our family lately. He feels the need to make everyone as miserable as possible. Sunday, after a day of tormenting his sister, it all came to a head. The reason he wants everyone so miserable? He's not getting enough attention. I kinda rolled my eyes when he first said that. After all how much attention does an 11 year really need? I had never really though about the fact that as my oldest, he is the only one that knows how it feels to not have to share mom and dad. Then to have to share mom and dad with three other kids? It must feel like you're getting short changed! Especially when you are a very level-headed, responsible child and you have a brother with autism who takes a ton of your parents time, and you still have a brother who is a toddler, and you only have one sister who gets lots of attention because, well, she's the girl. I can imagine it seems like no one has anything left to give you. And, maybe some days it's true. Sometimes there just isn't anything left.

So here I am today. I am not the BEST mom or even the second best mom. I am not super mom, or wonder mom nor do I posess any sort of super-natural mom powers. What I am is mom who love her children with all her heart. A mom who is just a little too spread thin. A mom who tries her best but sometimes falls just a little short! A mom who sometimes looks around and wishes she was somewhere else. A mom who often second guesses herself but always tries to do what is best for her kids. A mom who will always wonder what might have been...if only...

Who would of have ever thought????

A letter to my children

It has come to my attention that it is now indeed cold and flu season. In fact, the bugs have already infiltrated our home. When it is your unfortunate turn to catch one of these said bugs, be dear and listen to your mother; I would rather wash every blanket, sheet, and towel in the house than to have to scrub puke out of the carpet. Thank you.

Your loving mother


(anyone wanna lend me a carpet cleaner?)

First Millie, now Owen

Ian has been learning about the letter "M" and the sound it makes. Tonight as we were sitting at the dinner table I asked him, "Ian, what does the letter 'm' say?" He gave me his usual response of "noooooooooooooooooo!!!" and "ARgh!" Without missing a beat Owen looked at him and said "M says mmmmmmm!" Sigh. It was hard when Emilia started passing him. Now Owen is learning faster than him too. He can already count better and now he's picking up other things too. I am happy for Owen. I am so sad for Ian.

Cyber social life

So, it's getting pretty bad. My whole social life revolves around the computer these days. Except for the few times Micheale has rescued me with a diet coke, I haven't seen or talked to my friends in weeks. I've been lonely and the computer is filling the void. Yesterday as I was putting on my shoes to go to aerobics (I did actually get OUT of the house yesterday!) I realized that the Reebok's that I bought at a GNO several months ago just weren't going to work. My first thought was "I'll see if Micheale wants these". Instead of getting the phone to call Micheale, my first instinct was to ask her via facebook if she wanted them. How pathetic am I? Is this what it's come to for me? Communicating via facebook and comments on blogs? Coveting those highly-traffic blogs thinking that my value is based on how many comments I receive? (comment PLEASE so I can feel good today!!!) Everyone has heard my story about hard my move to our current house was. It's been two years now and I'm still feeling like an outsider. Things are definitely better but I'm afraid I'm still trying to fill the void by living a virtual life. Sigh...I need some human contact. Anyone?

Back on track

Back on THE track. I ran last night for the first time in about 8 weeks. I've ran a few times since I hurt my back but not REALLY ran. I did it half-hearted. But not last night. Last night my heart was in it and I felt great. I printed off training schedule and now I just have to decide which marathon to run. What do you think? Salt lake? or Ogden?

From Micheale...with love

I secretly love being tagged. It gives me something to post when I can't think of anything else. Thanks to Micheale for this one...

What were you doing 10 years ago
1. Matthais just turned one
2. Working for my dad "temporarily" which turned into 6 months. I can't say no
3. Was the Secretary in the primary.
4. Working at my in-laws pizza shop
5. Living in an apartment Adam built in Lehi

What 5 things are on your "to do" list today.
1. Laundry (always)
2. Daycare paper work
3. FHE trip to the state capital
4. Lots and lots of cleaning
5. Work on Owen's blanket

5 Snacks that I enjoy
1. Popcorn (and only 1 point)
2. Goldfish crackers
3. Cracked pepper and Olive oil crackers
4. Saltines (see a pattern? I'm a carb'oholic)
5. Diet coke

5 things I'll do when I become a multi-millionaire
1. Send my kids to college
2. Travel the world
3. Adopt
4. Stop shopping at DI
5. Relax...

5 places I have lived
1. Provo
2. Orem
3. Lehi
4. Pleasant Grove
5.

5 jobs I have had
1. Auto parts delivery driver
2. Auto parts counter salesman
3. Pizza restaurant manager/worker
4. Daycare provider
5. Bookkeeper

5 people to tag
1. Brylie
2. April
3. Elise
4. Adam and Cheryl
5. Anyone else who feels like it

Mr. Independent

What is it about being two that makes you think you can do everything? Owen has decided that he can now do everything himself. Let's get you dressed Owen "NO! I do it" Let's wipe your bum Owen "NO! I aleady did it" Lets wash your hands Owen "No, I do it myself". This morning I came downstairs late (shaking off a stomach bug, thanks Millie) and he was sitting on the floor with a bowel of cereal he poured himself, milk and all. Poor kid was hungry! I am all for teaching my children independence but does he really have to start the dishwasher and the washing machine? Does he really have to pour his own milk and comb his own hair? ("don't mom! you mess it up!") He is my last baby after all. I'd like him to be that way for awhile!

My sister says I have to post

I guess she wants to read about my crazy life and be glad that she stopped after two kids almost 11 years ago. So, I started the week with the best intentions but wouldn't you know it? Life got in the way. Project organization is starting slow. I've done a lot of *thinking* about what I want to do but not a lot of action. I haven't really had time to dive into any major project like my "craft" closet which will likely take a whole day (maybe two). I did get my room clean much to the pleasure of my husband. Now he doesn't trip over thing when he gets up to pee. The kids have really taken to the fitness challenge. It fun to see them so excited about being active. I have also gotten back into the swing of things and started running again. I am training for another half-marathon which I may or may not run in January. I do so much better when I have a goal. I don't think I realized how much not being able to run in the marathon affected me. I really went into a running depression. Something that used to bring me such joy totally repulsed me. I'm still trying to shake it off and I'm getting better. Other than that I'm just crossing my fingers that no one else gets the major pukies Millie was up with all night. I'm too old to pull another all-nighter!

30 day fitness challenge

Frustrated with my family's inactivity and my own 10lb weight gain, I decided to introduce the Harris 30 day fitness challenge. Last night for FHE we did as many sit-ups and push-up as we could and then ran 1/4 mile as fast as we could. Everyone participated the best that they could (minus Owen!). We talked about the importance of exercise and healthy eating. We also decided there would be no computer or T.V. after school to help promote more activity. Our goal as a family is 2000 minutes of activity by December 4. And we are aiming to improve on our "fitness test" as well. One of my additional goals is to lose 10lb in the process. I am excited about this and I hope my family can benefit from more physical activity.

Project: Organization

I've been thinking a lot about why I'm feeling so overwhelmed these days. I've missed Millie's dance class two weeks in a row. I missed Ian's speech appointment last week. The house isn't ever clean. The laundry is waiting for me on the bed. Dinner is usually a last minute thought. The truth is that my life isn't any crazier now than it was at the beginning of the year. The problem is that at the beginning of the year I was on top of these, at the peak of organization. I felt so good then. So calm. So in control. A few friends and I took Marie Ricks class on organization and I learned so much. It's amazing how much more at peace I feel when things are all in order. It's time I get some of that peace back. I'm going into full organization mode putting to use all those things I've learned. I'm de-junking my house and my mind. I'm putting my menu to use again. I'm scheduling my day. I'm prioritizing my week. I'm setting achievable goals for myself. I may go through some "facebook" withdrawls but it's time I stop being so idle. It's time to have a house of order.

Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God. D&C 88:119

Last minute addition

Eat your heart out girls!

Happy Halloween!

I have my life back!

If you could see me right now you would see the smile on my face!! My cousin Lindsay is back from maternity leave and I am no longer filling in for her! I was happy to do it but I happy that my life is back the usual amount of craziness. No more running to the office every time I had a few minutes. No more invoices, checks, and bills. No more chasing Owen around the store and putting back all the tools and bolts he'd collect. Yet, I am a little sad. For the first time in several years I felt like I was using my brain. And, I actually felt like I was appreciated for my work. And I'm more appreciative of working moms. I'm just glad I'm not one of them!

My cousin's husband

Clinton Ray "Scrappy" Greer, our husband, father, son, brother, uncle and friend left this life on Tuesday, October 21st, 2008.

He was born in Springerville, Az. on October 29, 1975 to Benjamin Greer Sr. and Debi Greer. He graduated from St. Johns AZ High School in 1994. He later moved to Utah where he met the loves of his life, Deserie Lori Greer, and her daughter Kaylee Aitken. They were married on June 5th, 1999 and blessed with two more daughters, Bailey Nicole and Trenedy Jean. Their family was sealed in the Mt. Timpanogos Temple on September 27th, 2002.

He was welcomed to his heavenly home by a loving Heavenly Father, and by his earthly father Benjamin Greer Sr., who preceded him in death.

Clinton loved the outdoors. He walked many miles on open land with his girls and his brothers. He was an avid hunter and fisherman. He loved to play sports, and to compete. He loved to laugh, but even more, he loved to make others laugh. He had a big heart, and shared love and kindness with so many.

He is survived by his wife, Deserie Lori Greer and his girls Kaylee Aitken, Bailey and Trenedy. He is also survived by his mother Debi Greer-Walker, his step-father Henry Walker, his siblings: Tisa, BJ, Courtney and Daryl; grandmother: Verla Greer; grandfather, Clayton Bell; and by Desi's brothers: Trent, Travis and Deven Trafny. He leaves behind many aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews, nieces and friends.

Funeral services will be held Friday, October 24, 2008 at 11:00 a.m. in the Olpin Family Mortuary Chapel, 494 South 300 East, Pleasant Grove where friends may attend a viewing for Clinton one hour prior to services. Interment will be on Monday, October 27, 2008 in St. Johns, AZ.

Condolences may be sent to the family at olpinmortuary.com.

What can I say. What words can express the pain that you feel from the loss of a loved one. Even though Desi and Scrappy struggled on so many levels and even though they isolated themselves from the family so many times, they were still part of our lives. Even if I hadn't seen him for months he always had a big smile and a big hug for me. I always thought I could be the one who could save them...if they'd only let me. Now I know that it was already beyond that point and now I will trust that mercy will be granted. I ache for my cousin...I ache for her girls. No matter what mistakes were made, they loved him. I hope they can find the peace they need to get through this.

Another birthday!

Today I celebrate the day I became a mom. Such a monumental moment, a day I had waited so long for. He was my greatest wish fulfilled, an answer to my prayers. I don't think he fully understands the role he plays in my life. We started this journey together, learning, growing along the way; Making things up as we went.





He was born October 22, fifteen days early. I wasn't quite sure I was ready to be mom that day but he had different ideas. He was big for being two weeks early, 8lbs 5 oz. He was named Michael, after his dad, and Matthais, after a German soccer player. His dad had his name picked out long before his birth.


He was a happy baby, except for his bout of colic. It didn't matter though. We were in love. I loved those early days with him and he was spoiled.



He has always been very smart. I don't mean this in a bragging mom sort of way. It's just a fact. We are constantly being told by others what a genius he is. Their words, not mine, as I would never be so bold.

He is very kind and loving. And he's very funny. When he was little he was so shy I was very worried about him and I signed him up for different classes to break him out of his shell. It didn't seem to work at the time but he is far from shy now.

He loves to fish and play soccer and of course he loves his video games. The only thing he does more than his games is read. He goes through books so fast that sometimes he reads them over and over. He is an active scout and is recieving his arrow of light tonight. He is a great helper and he will babysit anytime he's asked.



Happy Birthday Matthais! Thank you for making a mom! I love you!