Last day of school

So, I've really been dreading school getting out. I do look forward to no homework, no schedule, no carpool, and having my kids home. It's just that summer is so hard. Having Ian home all day is exhausting to say the least. Not to mention the housework, the fighting, and the boredom. I am trying to remain positive and I am hopeful for a great summer. I have a plan. I think it'll work. I think I will be ok. We decided to start summer off with a bang and have a water party. The day started pretty shaky because I didn't send Ian to school and I didn't get anything done. Owen was driving me crazy from the get go because he was so excited for the party to start. We had a blast with our friends getting wet and soaking up the sun...for a little bit. It didn't stay warm for long and the wet kids started shivering . We quickly did the pinata and everyone went on their way. Ian stayed inside for the entire party and didn't want to join us. When I went in to check on him his lips were slightly blue. I took him upstairs to lay him down and he started having a seizure. At 5 minutes I gave him his rescue med and he finally stopped. But, not without throwing up all over my bed. Poor kid. Three hours later and he is still sleeping.  Our summer vacation sure started off fun! I hope the rest of the summer is less eventful!

The last day of school...almost

I usually go in on the last day of school to take a picture of the kids with their teachers.  Because I was already at the school on Thursday I just took them then.

I didn't get one of Ian with either of his teachers this year. I might regret it later but even though they did their best with him I'd rather just forget this last year happened.

6th grade graduation & BBQ

Matthais graduated from 6th grade. I cried like a baby. Adam said, "it's just sixth grade." I couldn't help it. I can't believe what an incredibly wonderful and responsible son we have raised. Everywhere we go people are always commenting on what a great kid he is. And he is. I am very nervous for him to go to 7th grade butI know he will make us proud.

After the graduation the kids headed over to the park for a bbq and waterslide. Matthais will be going to a different Jr. High than most of these kids because he went to school in a different city for the A.L.L. program. I still think he made some great friends.

End of school happenings

Matthais playing Egeon in the Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare.

Millie's fractured fairy tale, Goldibee and the three butterflies

Millie reading her story at the Author's Tea

Matthais getting ready for the dance festival

Millie in getting ready for the dance festival

Once again I got pretty emotional watching my kids in their various activities. I couldn't help think that they will not be children much longer. I mean, look at Matthais, he's almost not a child now. This was his last dance festival much to his delight but I think he will miss these carefree days before he knows it! Tomorrow is his graduation and 6th grade barbecue and then school is out! I wasn't looking forward to it but I am a little now. I'm getting pretty burned out with all that is going on right now. Alright summer, I'm ready for you!

Vindicated

Today I had the most AMAZING meeting with the principal at Ian's new school. Without going into too much detail, let's just say she said all of the things I've been thinking for the last year. I finally felt vindicated in regards to my thoughts and feelings on his initial school change and the pending school change. I've really never felt like I've had a voice concerning all that was happening with him. I feel that way no more! I was amazed at her passion for a child she has never met before. I finally felt like I had someone who knew what an amazing child Ian is and I felt like I finally had someone on my side. To say I am excited about next year is an understatement!! And, we are able to start him in June!! That means he will be adjusted to the new school by time school starts in August and we won't lose a few months to transition. The previous plan was to have him go to one school in the summer and switch to this school in August. I am elated that we don't have to do that!! I have such a different outlook on our summer and on our future with Ian in the public school system. I finally feel at peace with the direction we are going.

Hot Shots Year end Concert

Can I tell you just how much I love Hot Shots Dance Studio??? Wanna know why I love them so much? They understand that these girls are just that, little girls. I love their modest costumes, I love their non-suggestive dance moves. If any of you have seen this video of the 9 year-olds doing Single ladies you know just what I am talking about. Hot Shot's year end concert was amazing (even if my dad and Adam were a little bored. They don't love dance like I do!) They did Alice in Wonderland and the costumes were great! I forgot to bring my digital camera so the only photos I took were with our camcorder and too dark. Here are the pictures Cory Adams took. The first one is from her Competition dance "Little Red Riding Hood".

The next two are from her parts in the Alice in Wonderland part of the show.


Hot Shot's has amazing teachers who love the girls and love what they do and we have made some great friends at the studio as well. I really do just love it!

Millie is looking forward to another great year of dancing and I am too!

Oh my!

Yes, it really snowed today. Good thing I haven't planted my garden yet. It's one of those rare times when my procrastinating might actually pay off!

Matthais

Yesterday was Matthais's N.O.V.A graduation. I was so emotional and it wasn't even one of those big events. How the heck am I going to be through 6th grade graduation next week? I think it's hard to realize just how grown up he is getting. He is not my little baby anymore.

Speaking of growing up, I took him in for a scout physical yesterday. He is now 5'8" and 124 lbs. Do you remember this picture?

It was taken last April. That means he's grown approximately 5 inches in the last year!! I can't believe it! How did this

Turn into this

I used to hate when people would tell me that kids grow up fast. Now I know exactly what they mean...

Love Unfeigned

"True love requires action. We can speak of love all day long, we can write notes or poems that proclaim it, sing songs that praise it, and preach sermons that encourage it but until we manifest that love in action, our words are nothing but sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal."

--Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "You Are My Hands", Ensign, May 2010, 68–70, 75

Owen's Preschool graduation

Owen only turned 3 last August but I decided to put him in a little preschool anyway. A neighbor of ours was doing it for a screaming deal and I decided that it was worth it for the social aspect (i.e. we have not kids around us). Friday was his short but sweet graduation. Owen was kinda grumpy and super shy but he eventually warmed up.





I'm amazed at all he learned despite his age. I think he is natuarally smart like Matthais. I'm a little worried about that because my intentions are to wait and start him when he's 6 even though he could go when he is 5. There are a lot reasons to do this but I am a little worried he will be bored like Matthais was. Luckily I have another full year to totally decide. You know how I am though, I like to worry about things way before they actually happen. I'm working on it....

Blog book

I just finished editing my blog book and sent it off into cyber world to be printed. I love having this option for journaling but if the truth me told, I don't really care to remember 2009. Don't get me wrong, there were some wonderful things that happened to our family. Heck, I ran a MARATHON in 2009. The year was the most emotionally draining year of my life. I looked back through my blog posts and pictures and they triggered memories not even pertaining to the picture or the post...they just reminded me of the timeline of events in my life last year. Things I didn't even dare post about are still there, in the pictures, in the words. I'm happy to say that, so far, this year is going much better. I am happier. It's still a daily struggle but it's manageable. I know that this is how most people feel about their life. We all struggle with different things and I'm not eager to walk in anyone elses shoes. Life is good. Hard...but good. And I am so very blessed.

Not alone

It's interesting the way this world works. Or maybe I should say, the way Heavenly Father works. Yesterday I had myself worked into a frenzy over the up coming summer. This time of year is ALWAYS crazy and busy and I fill myself full of guilt for not being more involved in my children's school. I start stressing about summer, making a schedule, figuring out how to entertain my kids for 3 long months. Then add in the stress I feel about how on earth I'm going to handle Ian's tantrums and screaming for the summer. Yes, I know, I tend to stress about things that actually may turn out different that I think they will. It's a real problem with me. Anyway, I spent most of the day feeling like a failure of a mother and pretty much just a failure period. I've been lonely, and that creates many feelings of inadequacy. Yesterday afternoon, just as I was ready to call it quits I found a lovely package on my porch. Remember how I said I really wanted this?



Well, there it was, tied up with a little bow and a card that read this

I cried all afternoon not only because I was so touched my the book but because I was touched that someone loves me enough to buy it for me.

I don't know who it's from. What I do know is that it feels good to be loved and not so alone. Thank you secret gifter, thank you!

Patience

"Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace."
--Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Continue in Patience", Ensign, May 2010, 56–59

More Doctors

A few weeks ago I took Ian up for his annual check up with his neurologist. It's pretty routine but I did have a few concerns. One of them was the possibility of his current seizure med causing some behavior issues. He's been on Keppra for a few years now and it's been, by far, the best med at keeping his seizures at bay. He still has a few break through seizures but we usually get a good 6-9 months between them. Still, Keppra has been known to create some behavior issues. After talking with our Dr. we decided that Keppra probably wasn't the problem and she told us we need to see psychiatry. Psychiatry is nothing new to us but I had major, MAJOR issues with his psychiatrist. I felt like he did very little listening to me and I had anxiety every time I went. I explained this to the neurologist who recommended we visit with the behavioral unit at the hospital (primary children's). I was excited about this opportunity to have a someone have "fresh look" at his case. I called and talked the the Behavioral unit and he talked to the psychiatrist and she agreed to see us...after they talk with our previous psychiatrist. This stresses me out for several reasons. First of all, he always made me feel like a inferior person. I felt stupid when I talked to him. He made me feel like a bad mother that only wanted to drug my child. He said to me, and I kid you not, "your child has autism, what do you expect?" I hated his office but never dared find another doctor because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Just when I feel like I've found a way out, he has to know about it. Oh well, at least it's not in the same building so I never have to risk running into him. I just really wanted a fresh start and someone to look at his case with new eyes and so I am worried about her talking with him about Ian's case. Hopefully she can remain objective and she can more compassionate than our last doctor. All I want is help for Ian and for our family. Is that too much to ask?

New Photos

Adam's dad recently turned 70 and we hired an amazing photographer to capture the party in photos. Ignore the fact that his dad thought he would be funny and dye his hair black for the party. Here are some of my favorites.

Everyone loves Uncle John Jay, especially Ian


The kids were all suppose to run around while the shutter was left open. Leave it to one of my kids to just stand there!Adam's siblings and spouses minus one sister and one brother (and their spouses)
Love, love, LOVE This one!
The girls (minus two)
The one shot of our family, didn't turn out too bad for the one shot we got!

The grand kids missing 15 or so
The boys and the bear.



John Jay and Ashlyn Hannah

There are so many more! Rachel (the girl who did the pictures) has two kids with autism and she loves taking pictures of kids with autism, it's kinda her thing. I am so hiring her when we are ready for family pictures!