35

Here I am at the great 35, wrinkles and all

I have to admit...I was not looking forward to this birthday. I don't what it is. I didn't freak out about 30; but, 35, that is a different story. I really think it's because for years I believed I would be where I wanted to be by 35. Not so. The day itself was great. Nothing spectacular happened but I felt very loved the whole day and I just felt happy. The night before I had gone to dinner with my dad and brothers (my brother Gehrhart's birthday is the 7th) and I had so much fun being with them. I hardly ever see them and I'm so much older than them so we don't hang out very often. The day of my birthday I did a little shopping and took the kids to the Purple Pig grand opening and Adam and I went to The Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner. Adam gave me the wheat grinder I had asked for so I also had to spend some of the day trying that out! This year I can honestly say I am so much happier than I was last year at this time. Things feel so much better and they continue to get better. I guess I just thought 35 should be the magic number in which I might somehow feel in control finally. Still working on that. I'm just grateful for another year and another chance.

Well, it lasted a week..

But I signed back onto facebook this morning. I have given myself permission to check it a few times a day but I'm going to be strong and not veg in front of the computer like I used to. Facebook does have some good purposes. I found out from facebook that one of our neighbors houses was broken into. Also, it's the ONLY way my little brothers will communicate with me. I just can't let it be the great time-sucker that it was before. I think I had to know I wasn't going to die if I couldn't get on it. Now that I went a week without it I've realized that it doesn't have to consume me. Alright enough about facebook. Fall is in the air...can you feel it? Why is it that the older you get the faster time goes by? I'm approaching my 35th birthday. Wow. I remember when I thought 35 was old! (remember this post? 35 was old to me then!) I know it the big picture I'm really not that old but considering the fact that one of my best friends is a mere 26 I feel like pretty geriatric. And, I'm not where I wanted to be at 35. Mostly I just wanted to be skinny but also I wanted to feel in control of my life. Not quite there yet on either of those things... But I am working on both of them. One of these days it will all click for me right? Interesting things happen in my head. Now I just need to work on putting them into action. For now I will be grateful for the small changes I can make. After all, The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. And for now, I'll take it...one step at a time.

Day 2,"The Secret" and other ramblings

Day 2 of no facebook is proving to be harder than day one. I cannot believe how much of a habit I had formed checking facebook 20 + times a day. Already today I've walked down my stairs several times to check the computer. Sigh.

On another note...have you ever heard of "The Secret" or the law of attraction? Don't worry, I'm not going all New thought on you. Basically The Secret is that if you if you want something all you need to do is ask, believe, receive. It can be anything from a closer parking space to winning that trip to Rome; you just need to make it known to the universe, feel as though the action is on it's way, and be open to receiving it. Well, I seem to have an opposite law going on in my life. Maybe the law of un-attraction?? Remember last week when I posted this about  Ian using the toilet 90% of the time? I was hesitant to say that, to make it known to the universe and I had good reason to be. We have now regressed to about 50%. Why oh why when I think we've finally got a grip on things do they slip away?!?!? Can you see why I almost never write about the great things happening? All kidding aside I am completely frustrated with this change of events as is his teacher at school I'm sure. I sent him in a pull up today. All we can do is plug away right?

Speaking of toilet training, anyone know how long it takes to housebreak a puppy? I thought we had a good handle on that as well but just in the last few days we've had several accidents. Maybe I'm not cut out to be a parent or a dog owner. I mean how many living beings am I allowed to mess up??? Bigger Sigh.

My foot is still really bothering me. I'm really hesitant to go to the Dr. so he can refer me to a podiatrist so that he can send me to physical therapy so that I can do the same exercises I'm all ready doing thanks to the help from a physical therapist in my ward. There is part of me though that wonders if my self diagnosis is correct. I'm anxious to get moving again and to get this weight off. I'm doing ok with just diet but I am much more motivated when I am exercising. I also want to quit drinking diet coke. YIKES! That one is going to be hard. Good thing I'm not doing it right now cause if I quit drinking diet coke and facebook at the same time I'd really be a mess! I have several cans in the garage but once they are gone, I am done. Biggest Sigh. My few pleasures in life will soon be gone. But, I will be a better, stronger, healthier person because of it right? RIGHT????

p.s. Feedback is optional but greatly desired! Not having facebook has made me even more desperate for commentors on my blog so PLEASE, feel free to comment!

End to Facebook...

...for now. I just deactivated my account. Sister Beck's statement about mothers spending too much time on the computer and not nurturing their children really hit home. Friday I spent most of the day sitting in front of the computer. I think that I often get that way when I'm depressed... I have no focus, no motivation. I also know that when it comes to facebook it's not enough for me to just simply tell myself I won't get on or restrict myself. I have no self control. I had no choice but to deactivate it. Things will be a lot better because of it. Besides...They're worth it!

Feeling a little stressed

But I guess that's how it goes when you are a mom. I've had a lot on my mind and on my plate lately. The latest? Millie will be going in for surgery tomorrow. I know this surgery is not life threatening in any way but I always get uneasy when one of my babies goes under anesthesia. She will be fine. I will be fine. In the meantime I need to take care of all the logistics like babysitting for Owen and taking the day off and getting everyone to school. I also had to shuffle Dr. appointments and get prescriptions filled. Tomorrow is also Owen's first day of preschool. Hopefully I'll be able to drop him off. There are some good things happening at our house though! I haven't dared post about this in fear of jinxing myself but Ian is 90% potty trained! He still has the occasional pee accident but we have not had a poop accident in a very long time. This is fabulous news for us and we hope that it continues! He seems to be doing really well at his new school too! His behavior has improved as well although we still see breakthroughs in the screaming and tantrums. I'll take any improvement we get. I'm still trying to pull myself together and get my life organized again. I honestly feel like a chicken with my head cut off. I don't know which direction I am going in. Before the kids went back to school I had Adam give me a blessing. I was promised that I would be able to regain control (not in those words exactly) and I know I will. Baby steps. For now I'm going to pop open a diet coke and take 5 minutes for myself before everyone gets home.

You won't believe me but...

As I sit here typing this my house is totally and completely...silent. Well except for the sound of my keyboard. The bigger three are at school, Owen is at a friends and the daycare kiddos are asleep! Wow...I don't quite know what to do with myself! Oh, I know BLOG! So I've had several people ask me if things are better now that the kids are in school. I always respond with a great big YES and a little no. We are still trying to get into the hang of things and adjust to the new schedule. I thought I'd have it all figured out but I don't think I'll know what our real schedule feels like until next week when Owen starts school. Over all I have way less messes to clean up and way less stress during the day. Ian gets up and gets started early though, I think he has to fit as much in as he can before he leaves. Today it was the mustard (again, sheesh, what is with the mustard?) the caramel ice cream topping and the lemon juice. Sticky, stinky and just plain messy! Everyone seems to be adjusting to their new schools nicely. Emilia is making friends, Matthais is getting to class on time and Ian, well, Ian is still Ian but his teacher LOVES him! What a difference that makes! I am *trying* to get caught up on the disaster that summer left behind. This is no easy task but I take it one day at a time. As for today...I'm going to go enjoy the silence!

Exhaustion

Anyone else as tired as me? I feel like I've been going 1000 mph and barely had time to catch my breath. It's always like that when Adam is gone and I'm on my own. How do single moms do it? How do military moms do it? I don't sleep well when he's gone and the stress alone in enough to do me in. I also wanted the house to look good when Adam came home yesterday which was no easy task. Everything falls apart when I'm on my own but I don't want him to know that. I want him to think I'm a strong capable woman who can handle her four kids. I don't want him to worry about me while he's gone. So, I wanted the house clean. Six, yes SIX hours of cleaning and it looked acceptable. By time he got home around 8:00 I wanted to plop into bed. Of course I was excited to see him and wanted to catch up and do a little snuggling but I was exhausted! I think I finally gave into sleep around 10:00 and slept until 7:45! I woke up in a panic realizing how late it was at that Ian's bus would be here in 5 minutes! The whole house was quiet and everyone was still sleeping so I put the "no bus" sign on the door and climbed back in bed. I could have easily fallen back asleep but I knew I needed to start my day so I just lied there. So here I am now....it's after noon and I'm still dragging my feet wishing I could crawl back into bed. But alas, I'm a busy mom and I have a hungry kid. Exhaustion will just have to wait!

One word challenge

Because I need a new post...

1. Where is your cell phone? questionable
2. Your significant other? magnetic
3. Your hair? lifeless
4. Your mother? heartfelt
5. Your father? grounded
6. Your favorite thing? bed
7. Your dream last night? nothing
8. Your favorite drink? DietCoke
9. Your dream/goal? marathon
10. What room you are in? messiest
11. Your hobby? laziness
12. Your fear? spiders
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
14. Where were you last night? performance
16. Muffins? poppyseed
17. Wish list item? carpet
18. Where you grew up? home
19. Last thing you did? bath
20. What are you wearing? Jeans
21. Your TV? off
22. Your pets? pain
23. Friends? busy
24. Your life? insane
25. Your mood? indifferent
26. Missing someone? lots
27. Car? filthy
28. Something you're not wearing? makeup