Time to take out the trash

Yesterday was a good, well, ok first day back. I was so excited for the chance to be home without the kids and I actually felt like I might accomplish something. I had grand plans about chores and projects and things I might accomplish. Instead I found myself feeling emotionally vulnerable and battling thoughts and feelings I thought I had overcome. I had been invited to attend a brunch yesterday but instead I attended my own sobfest complete with irrational thoughts and that oh so hideous ugly cry. I finally pulled myself together just in time to work my shift at the high school book room. I love being at the high school and I love the energy there. I know a lot of crappy things happen with kids that age but for the most part the teenagers I know are great. I felt so much better while I was there but after I left the feelings of self doubt surfaced again. The nurse at Ian's school had asked if I could come at 2:00 to administer his afternoon medication and sign the necessary papers for them to do it the rest of  the the year so I headed over there. The principal stopped me on the way to the nurses office to tell me that there had been an incident and another (quite larger) student had hit Ian. Instantly the mama bear in me released her claws. In the past Ian has been a target for other kids and has had some pretty nasty injuries. I am really not looking forward to another year of my child being the classroom punching bag. At the same time, we are dealing with special needs kids who sometimes have very little control over their actions. I drove home feeling helpless, frustrates and overwhelmed with the emotions of the day. I got home and immediately climbed into bed, a practice that had already consumed most of my summer. I laid there until I heard Millie come home when I remembered I had wanted to make them a treat for their first day of school. I quickly whipped something up and climbed back in bed. I had young women's later but Adam is out of town and I knew I had the perfect excuse for not going; Ian. The last thing I wanted to do was be around people. At the last minute I decided I needed to go and that Ian would just have to go with me. What a tender mercy from the Lord in the way of a prompting that I needed to be there! I work with good women in my ward who are my friends and who love me and I needed to be with them! I spewed my emotional garbage on them and they listened with patience and kindness and I immediately felt better. I went to bed with a not so heavy heart and awoke today ready for life's challenges. Today I decided to take out the trash i.e. The emotional garbage that weighed so heavily on me yesterday. I have lots to do in the house, a shift at the book room again and lunch with my BFF and life saver Pam to celebrate back to school. I promised her Tuesday that I wouldnt be ornery so I better keep that promise! 

On another note, the kids all seemed to have a great first day (minus Ian). Millie reconnected with an old friend which was way out of her comfort zone, turned in her first homework of the year (she had it all summer) and is excited about her classes and teachers. Matthais finally got his schedule fixed and told me he is genuinely excited about his classes this year. Owen enjoyed his new class and new teacher except for a girl that "creepily stares" at him! Fourth grade crush maybe? I had to laugh as he told me the story about that! Kids! So great days all around and today I've decided it's my day! I am going to have a great one!