I really am thankful for...

Ian and Chucke E right before Ian bit Chuck E's hand...

...The challenges in my life. I know I complain about them a lot but I think that they make me a better person. I'm talking about Autism in paticular but I am also thankful for the other challenges in my life. Today we went to Chuck E Cheese for my brothers birthday and Ian had several meltdowns. He just can't understand why I won't let him take food off of random peoples plates and climb on the rides that other kids are already riding. I was trying hard to keep a hold of him and my eye on Owen by myself and it wasn't easy. At one point, Ian was laying on the floor screaming and I had an employee ask me if he was hurt and if he needed help. I just smiled and told him he was throwing a fit but inside I was on fire! I was so angry at that moment that I was standing there alone having an anxiety attack because of his behavior and everyone else was laughing and having fun completely unaware of my battle. Sure, they could see him throwing a fit but they didn't know the struggle I was having between breaking down and sobbing hysterically and the desire to pick him up and throw him against the wall. The evening only got worse until my sister graciously stepped in and helped with Ian. She was the only one who could really see how close I was to losing it! I was angry, hurt and upset and as I left I was ready to throw my hands up in the air and scream "I QUIT! I'm done being a daughter, a wife, a friend and most of all I'm done being a mother!" As we drove home Ian was being so chatty and so cute. I could tell he'd had a great time. At that moment I thought "this is my experience. No one else knows what this feels like!" At that moment I realized that I get to experience feeling for a child no one else will ever know. I am mother to one of Heavenly Father's most choice spirits. Our lows are low but our highs are high! He and I share a bond like no other! Besides how many other 10 years olds get out of bed practically singing "Good morning sunshine!" How many other 10 year olds still climb in their moms laps and squeal with delight "MOMMY!"  There are a lot of things I will never understand about Ian and about autism but I know I am a better daughter, wife, friend and mother because of him!