The boy who started it all

Ten years ago I celebrated my first mother's day as a mother. I had waited and wanted to be a mom for what seemed like forever. I'll never forget the first moment I held Matthais, the first moment I was a mom. It was surreal. Two years of waiting to get pregnant and 9 months of pregnancy all wrapped up in one little white blanket. The tiny fingers, the tiny toes, I couldn't believe that I had a part in creating them. He was so perfect. My first moments of motherhood were pure joy. No one told me what I had in store! Or... maybe they had. I vaguely remember the "just wait until..."; the same words I so often find myself saying to new moms. But even with the warnings, how can you really know? How could I have known the first time a newborn Matthais and I ventured out on our own he would poop out his diaper and I would be stranded with nothing to change him into? How could I have known that he would not sleep through the night until after Ian was born? How could I have known that he would have colic and he would cry each night for hours? How could I have known there would be days I thought that I would drop dead from pure exhaustion? How could I have known those days would come more and more often? Motherhood is so challenging-physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. There was no way to know until I had experienced it. But, without the sorrows, I could never experience any joys. Matthais's first smile, his first word. Those "mother mercies", the moments that sneak up on you and fill you with joy and amazement. Like how until Matthais was two, he would get hiccups everytime he'd laugh. And how he knew all his colors before his second birthday. Or how he would climb up on our laps every night for "cuddles". Those are the mercies that make motherhood all worthwhile. Now that Matthais is ten our relationship is much different than when he was three. He is growing and gaining independence and as a mother, I am too. I am so thankful for my opportunity to be a mother. I am so thankful to begin this journey with Matthais. I hope he knows just how much I love him. I hope he knows he really is my dream come true.