Capturing those ah-ha moments...and lots and lots of rambling...

I really enjoyed myself this weekend. I had several ah-ha moments...the kind you want to capture in a bottle and keep forever. Sunday night we watched John Jay perform in his band at the park. I always love going back to the town that it all began for Adam and I. We met in high school and lived their for the first seven years of our marriage. Even though I lived longer in other towns while growing up, it will always be my hometown. The park they performed at was near our second residence as newlyweds and near our first residence as a family. I spent a lot of time there as a new mom. As I watched Owen play on the playground I saw Matthais 10 years ago running around. I can't believe how fast time has gone by! It's sad really. Watching John Jay play, surrounded by family I realized just how lucky we are. The family has defiantly changed in the 15 years since we were married. We've had several additions (including my four beautiful souls) and the dynamic has changed over the years. The family get togethers are not the same as they were even five years ago. But, there is still love.

After the park we headed home and Adam prepped for his fishing trip the next day. We watched with big grins as Ian rode circle after circle around the Tahoe on his bike. So amazing and something we weren't ever quite sure he would do. Everything is a mystery with Ian. We have no idea what his future holds. What we do know however is that we should never hold him back. Things will happen for him in due time. We just need to be patient.

When it was dark we all grabbed a blanket and headed out to the front lawn. I didn't realize it but we had never had our children look at the stars. It was so amazing to have all six of us there, looking for satellites and shooting stars. I cuddled with Matthais, something I haven't done for years. Afterward Matthais, Millie and I had a tickle fight on my bed. We laughed until we cried! How many more years of this do I have? Not many I am sure. It won't be long before Matthais won't even be around. He'll be a teenager in a few short months and then his friends will be far more important. One thing I do know is that it will always come back to family.

I had a friend ask me recently why we spend so much time together as a family. That's not quite how she said it, and I think she meant it in a different way. Her young kids are off playing with friends at all hours of the day while mine are completely content sitting home with the family. While I do feel it's important for my children to have a social life, I know that friends will come and go but the most important relationships that can be formed are those within a family. I wish I had known that as a child. Here I am 35 years old and I don't have much of a relationship with my younger siblings. I often wonder why that is?? Just because our family spends lots of time together doesn't mean we all get along. I had to have a talk with Matthais this weekend about the way he treats Emilia. I know how it is to be the oldest and to have annoying little brothers and sisters but I really don't want him to make the same mistakes I did. One day he will realize just how important these relationships are. There is a family in my ward that I idolize. They vacation with all their grown children and their families. They are constantly together, having fun. They eat dinner with each other on Sunday. They are very supportive of each other and I might even dare say they are all best friends. I often joke that I would love to be adopted! I once asked one of the daughter-in-laws if she ever felt left out with the sisters and she laughed and said "no, I AM their sister!" What an amazing relationship! That is what I want for my kids...Something I do not have.

Monday I braved the pool alone with the kids. Last year we went swimming exactly once and I left crying. This year wasn't as hard and I realized something...I am stronger than I think! I often don't give myself enough credit! We had a great time, even as stressful as it was and I was even brave enough to take them to Ihop for dinner. We survived and made some memories in the process. My kids are great. They are patient, kind and loving....most days. I really am very blessed! WE are very blessed...and that is good.