Quite possibly the scariest experience of my life

I promised I would post about this today. I'm afraid it will really just disappoint. It's one of those "you had to be there" kind of experiences but I will write about it anyway.

I took the kids and headed up to Park City for the weekend. My sister and I thought it would be a good idea to take the kids on the Alpine slide. Once we got there I realized they probably would not let Ian go down with me because of his size and I knew I wasn't going to send him down on his own. I talked to several people and after talking to a supervisor who said he would not stop me but he advised me not to, I decided to go ahead and take Ian anyway. Honestly I was so worried about the risks of taking Ian down the slide I hadn't given much thought to how we were going to get to the top of the mountain. Let me just start by saying I am extremely afraid of heights. I hate them. I panic when it's just me but now I am taking my four children and heading on a ski lift and I am extremely freaked out. The minute the ski lift takes off Ian starts screaming. He doesn't want to go on the "roller coaster" and he wants off. I start crying. I have my arms around him in a death grip and the tighter I hold the more he wants out of my grip. The ski lift is extremely slow and even stops at one point. I feel like I am going to puke and I am getting more hysterical by the minute which only adds to the chaos and tension the kids are feeling. Ian continues to scream and wiggle and I continue to panic because I know if he wanted to get off he could. I know this kid, I know his strength and I know what he can do if he wants to. I ask Matthais to say a prayer. This calms me a little but I can see that we are still several minutes from the top. I loosen my grip and Ian and talk to the kids as calmly as possible trying to help everyone relax. Finally we reach the top. I really feel like we were being watched over. You would not believe how many times Ian has flopped, wiggled, and just muscled his way out my grip when he wanted to get away from me. I don't have any other explanation for why he didn't this time. He didn't want to be on the ski lift yet he stayed...it was a huge blessing. The ride down wasn't nearly as traumatic even with the two of us squeezing onto the little sled. Here are some pictures before the anxiety attack...

Owen was so cute and not scared at all. He kept saying "I wish I wish I was big enough to go myself!" Millie was a little more afraid then she let on. She went so slow she had a huge line behind her. The people behind her weren't very nice as they were expecting a nice fast ride only to find themselves held up by a little girl! If you ask her though, she'll tell you the sled wouldn't go any faster! I'm glad my kids had this experience but I'm telling you, I will never, ever take Ian on a ski lift again! Next time I'll hike...