Yes, I'm one of those moms

I couldn't be happier that my children are back in school today. I love my kids, really I do.  I also love some time to myself, the daily break from Ian's screaming and my routine. Today we strayed a little from our normal routine. My early morning daycare kids came late,  Adam went fishing instead of work,Ian's bus was 15 minutes late, and I didn't have to run anyone to school. It was the perfect way to ease ourselves back into the daily grind. Tomorrow we will be completely back to normal and I welcome it. On a different note, Ian started his new class today. This is his 3rd class in the last year. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. I have been assured this is a good fit for him and that he will do well in this class but change is change and something that Ian doesn't always do well with. Time will tell I suppose but I so wish Ian was one of those kids who could come home and tell me how awesome (or how bad) his new class is. As I was walking into his school to meet his new teacher today I was overwhelmed with feelings of discouragement. Will my child ever hold a job? Will he ever be able to go to the store on his own? Will he live at home the rest of his life? Who will take care of him when we are gone? These are all things I've thought about before but they hit me hard today. Maybe it's because he will be 11 tomorrow. It breaks my heart to think of all the things other 11 years do. His cousin Brock who is only 3 days older than him is a constant reminder of this. Matthais and Brock get along so well; Is this how it would be with Matthais and Ian if he wasn't autistic? It's not that they don't get along per se it's just that they have no reason to be friends. They have nothing in common and Matthais tolerates him at best. I know having Ian in our family is a huge honor and blessing! I just wish it didn't come with so many worries and doubts!