The first post on my training blog (minus the embarrassing details and pictures)

Here I go again. I feel like I've had so many false starts over the last two years that I have no confidence in myself anymore. That's one of the things I really miss about myself; my drive, my desire, my dedication. I don't know how to make this time different. I do know that I'm a little scared. Scared to fail. Scared of what might happen if I do fail.

While in bed the other night I had a million thoughts running through my head. Most of which involved my children. There was dance and school and birthday parties. Suddenly the thought hit me...What would happen if I wasn't here? Would Millie still do dance? What things would the write about at school? Who would take them to the birthday parties? I'm sure things would work out but I WANT to be here. I want to watch Millie dance and help my children with there homework. I want to have grandchildren and watch them play and grow. How many obese elderly people do YOU know? I can't let that happen.

I know that even though some things worked for me the last few times I've lost significant weight, they didn't help fix the underlying problems. I've lost over 40lbs on Weight Watchers three different times. The first two times I had babies after and blamed my weight gain on pregnancy. After Owen I quickly (by quickly I mean in 4 months but he was a year old) lost 45 lbs. I felt great! I felt amazing! Life was good! But, I gained it all back and then some. This time I couldn't blame it on being pregnant. I felt defeated and humiliated. I have set my sites on losing the weight again several times in the last 2+ years only to lose and gain the same 10-15 lbs. It just wasn't clicking. I was battling depression which only added to the viscous cycles. This time I want to confront the reasons why I am overweight. This time I want to be healthy for the rest of my life. Today I start...