We've got hair

Last night I overheard a conversation between Matthais and Millie in which Matthais was bragging about having chest hair. Being the nosey, no boundaries type mom that I am I made him show me his arm pits. Sure enough...there is hair. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK! His voice has been deepening for several months now but hair?!?!? I am soo not ready for a teenager! wasn't it just yesterday that he looked like this??

And this???

It's hard watching you kids grow up. It won't be long before he is an adult making adult decisions. I don't think it's fair that they grow up so fast. He needs me less and less these days but I'm thankful I get a few "I love you Mom!" still.

I love you too Matthais. Now, stop growing up.

The Book Of Mormon

Positive thoughts

Adam tells me I need to put something positive on my blog and I know he's right. I feel like at times I can be such a whiner. Last night my dear friend Abbie brought dinner over. It was truly a blessing as my kids would have been on their own for dinner but I couldn't help but feel guilty. Like, if I hadn't complained then she wouldn't have had to do that. But, I am thankful. The thing about my blog is that I don't like to sugar coat anything. Things are what they are. I remember a conversation I had with a friend awhile ago where she said that she didn't like blogs because the were always about all the wonderful things that happen and how their kids are the best and so forth. You know, ooey-gooey with sweetness. Well, I just try to keep things honest. There are a lot of wonderful things that happen. But life isn't always a bed of roses. But, a thought came to me today as I was vegging out in the tub when I should have been getting Ian ready for school. I was thinking to my self, "you are so lazy! you should not be doing this right now!". The thought occurred to me how many negative things I say to myself in a day and how many of them I've come to whole heartily agree with. Maybe if I think positive thoughts my life will be come more positive. It's worth a try. So, good news. I've lost 12 lbs since I came home from St. George. Yay! Other good news. Well, I can't think of any. But, I'll keep on the look out! Here is to a good day!

Heartbreak

Last night after I finally stopped by pity party my thoughts turned to my kids. One of the things I was frustrated about last night was the fact that my kids never do anything. Ever. They come home, turn on the t.v. and veg until dinner. Now, I know, this is completely and totally my fault. I need to be the adult and take charge and make them turn off the t.v. and have a life. But often I am consumed with Ian when he gets home and turns on the destruction so I leave the other kids to themselves. My kids have no social life. I listened as Matthais called 5 friends yesterday. None of them could play but really I am worried that none of them wanted to play... with him. Millie never plays with a friend unless I MAKE her call one. No one is begging to play with her. Am I passing on my issues with friends to my kids? Unlike my kids I WANT friends and a social life. They seem very content staying home. Part of the problem is that we do not live in the social part of the neighborhood. There is exactly 8 young kids on my street and I own 4 of them. It's not like it was for me when I was a kid when I could walk across the street or down the street a few houses or next door to find a friend. I'm sure it doesn't help that my kids do not go to our neighborhood school and is not socializing with other neighborhood kids at school. And then, you add in Ian. Millie's friends NEVER want to play here, which I don't blame them, I wouldn't either. Needless to say, we do not have kids knocking on the door or calling. This breaks my heart because I feel like my kids deserve to have friends and play like kids do. Every time I visit Suzanne and our old house and witness the kids running around the neighborhood I question our move here. I really feel I've given my kids a disservice by moving them to an "older" neighborhood. Or, is there plenty of opportunities for friends but my kids are just too "odd" to fit in? I don't know but I do know this. Today is a no t.v. day for my kids... And tomorrow too. There will be whining and crying and lots of boobing but I am the adult, I can be in charge. They are just going to have to find something else to do.

Emotional breakdown

It finally came to head to day. My down started out lousy. I woke up grumpy and onery and my kids woke up whiney. To top it all off I was hungry. Like, I could eat an elephant and still need more hungry. Owen whined and cried and boobed all day. I fought with him a million times over everything from food to getting in the car to using the toilet. It seems like everyone everywhere was out to make my life more difficult. And then, I ran to the store and came home to, you guessed it, poop. I lost it. I cried. and cried. and cried. Then I stopped. and then I cried. and cried. and cried. I threw Ian in the shower and the whole time he screamed "you don't listen to me! You don't like me!" and so I cried some more. I yelled at the kids because all they do is watch t.v. and leave stuff around for me to clean up. Then they cried. Sometimes you just have to let it all out don't you think? Anyway I'm feeling better now but Ian is still upstairs screaming "you don't like me". I've decided to ask his Neurologist if any of this could be a side affect of his medication when we see her on thursday. Something has to change. Soon.

Vera Mamanakis 1920-2010

My great aunt Vera died earlier this week. She was 90 years old and one of the last of grandma's seven siblings. The story is told that when I was a little girl my grandparents had taken me to Price with them and left me in the care of Vera and her husband Nick. Aunt Vera thought it would be a good idea to take me shopping for a new pair of shoes. Of course being the adults they were (and lacking a lot of experience with children) they picked out a practical pair for me. Me being the obstinate child cried until they bought the ones I liked. Funny thing is, I kinda remember this! I remember Aunt Vera's house being meticulously clean and not really being allowed in it. We spent time on her back porch mostly. But, I always loved going there. Until we meet again Aunt Vera!

Old friends

I had a fabulous visit with an old friend last night. Our friendship began when she became Ian's preschool teacher. One year into the special ed program and I was already beginning to sense our future in it. Then came Miss Jen. One of the things that really struck me about her was how much she loved the kids. I'd like to say it was just my kid that she was fond of but I'd be lying. She loved them all. When it was time for Ian to move on to Kindergarten she mentioned that Millie could come to her preschool as well. I just right on it! We've been friends for 7 years. She's one of those friends who I don't see often (she's in CA) but she still remembers everything I've told her. She remembers Millie's birthday. She noticed my new hardwood and my new car and she said I hadn't aged and that I look great. Seriously, who doesn't want a friend like that! A friend that gives as much as she takes. Actually, I would have to say she gives me so much more. She is my (and Ian's) biggest cheerleader. She helps me stay strong and speak my mind when I know things are not right. She gives me great advice and she doesn't blow me off when I tell her that I feel like Ian's education has been the biggest joke. In fact, she agrees. And, she gets it. She gets the pain and emotion and the frustration behind being a mom with a special needs child. No, she doesn't have a child with special needs in fact she's not even a mother yet (but she will be a FABULOUS one someday!) She gets it because she loves these kids too. I love that about her. I feel like Ian is one of the obstacles in many of my friendships. There are people that can't or aren't willing to deal with him. Not Jen. My kids just lit up when they saw her last night. Even Owen who only really new her as a baby and a toddler knew she was something special. And she is. Love you Jen.