When I fall asleep...

...my dreams are always the same. Well, not the exact same but they have the same message every time...I wonder what I'm trying to tell myself? My dreams are full of honesty. I can tell people exactly how I feel and they understand. I can tell people when they hurt me and we work it out instead of the real life version where I just live in sorrow. My dreams are full of passion. (not that kind, get your mind out of the gutter!) I am generally a very passionate person. I am passionate about my husband, my family and my friends. I rarely get the same emotion in return. In my dreams I am loved just as passionately. I love the way these dreams make me feel... important, special, needed, desired, loved...I never want to wake up. But I do...and the feelings go away...until I fall asleep tonight. Sweet dreams everyone, I know I'm having them!

Lessons from Sunbeams

Several months ago Matthais was trying to hurt Emilia by throwing a tennis ball really hard at her. His plan failed as it missed Emilia and hit Owen...right in the eye. He cried most of the night until he fell asleep and woke up several times crying throughout the night. I was really worried about him, mostly because he seemed really hurt.  He was ok the next day and had a slight bruise around his eye.

A few weeks ago Owen learned about eyes in Sunbeams. He colored this picture and proudly explained it to me..."This is when Matthais threw a tennis ball at my eye and turned it black". Matthais will never be able to live that down!

The living planet aquarium

On Friday I found myself in the rare situation of having no daycare kids. Times like this call for some much needed time out with the kiddos. Matthais was at his cousins so I loaded up Ian, Emilia and Owen and headed to the aquarium. I was a bit nervous about taking Ian out on an outing like this by myself. Last year we ventured out to the zoo and I felt like we were one of the exhibits. Ian threw so many fits and people literally stopped and stared at us. I left feeling frustrated and defeated...and last year his behavior was much better than it is now. Before the aquarium we stopped to see Adam at work and grabbed some lunch. Ian's first fit started in the Tahoe when I wouldn't let him bring his drink inside. Once we were in the aquarium he threw himself on the floor a few times but didn't have any major tantrums. That is, until I wouldn't let him put his shoes in with the stingrays. He started screaming and threw himself on the floor. It was pretty crowded so I dragged him to an open space and let him lay there. After he was done screaming I gave him my phone with the music playing and he spent the rest of the time with the phone glued to his ear like this...

The other kids had a lot of fun and really enjoyed seeing the different sea creatures.

Millie thought she wanted to touch the stingray but in the end she chickened out.

The penguins were pretty fun to watch

I can't remember what was in this exhibit. Owen just stood there smiling and said "take a picture of me" so I did. Overall I was happy with how our day turned out. It wasn't as stressful as I anticipated and I might even do it again!

A better day

A few weeks ago I got an email from Shannon asking if she could take Ian for me on Mondays. I feel bad having anyone else put up with his antics and so my first impulse was to tell her no. After our day on Friday I am so glad I didn't. She picked him up around 10:00 and kept him until almost 4:00. What a lifesaver! I was running on zero sleep again (why do I wake up so many times???) and I knew today would be no fun when he started the morning out screaming. I am really thankful for friends and family who are willing to help with Ian. I usually feel guilty the whole time he is gone but the day goes so much smoother. And, I think it's good for Ian since he has no social life of his own. I think it makes him feel special to get to go to Aunt Shannon's or Grandma's. He came home in a good mood and repeated "had fun" over and over so I'm assuming he had fun! Shannon is so good and patient with Ian. It's not easy chasing after him all day, I know, so I am extremely grateful for her taking the time to help me out. Thanks Shannon!

Bright spot

I know I've already whined and cried about my day. It sucked. (and it's still not over!) But, there was one bright spot...check these pictures out!

Ian has been close to riding his bike for awhile but really took off today! Now I just have to keep him out of our busy road!

I thought I was going to be ok this summer...

...but after spending the entire morning crying I'm not so sure...

It seems as though Ian is pushing every button this morning. The screaming has been never ending. We even had poop everywhere. He is deliberately naughty and tells me about it to get my reaction. The other kids aren't much better. Why is it that they wait until I'm completely exhausted and totally emotional to act this way??  If I hear one more mom talk about how much they love summer and how much they love having their kids home I AM GOING TO SCREAM! Or, just cry some more. I'm a failure.

How long until school starts again????

Graduation dinner

We had planned on taking Matthais out to dinner friday night to celebrate his graduation but Ian had his seizure and it changed our plans. We took him Wednesday night instead. He choose Texas Roadhouse and had his first taste of prime rib.