The best day of summer

It's funny to me to read all the posts in facebook and instagram about how sad it is to send the kids back to school. I have to admit years ago when I read things like this I was overwhelmed with intense feelings of guilt. Why was I so eager to get my kids out the door to school while everyone else was so sad to see it happen? Where were those motherly feelings that everyone but me seem to have. I love my kids. I love doing fun things with them and I do enjoy summer break but come August I am ready for routine and order. Anyone that has worked with me knows that I like a schedule and I don't like to deviate from it. This year I was even more anxious than normal to get school going again. Last night I felt as though I couldn't survive another second of life as it was currently going. I had hope though, cause I knew in he morning I would send my little darlings off to school and I would spend a glorious day recharging my spirit! So far I have done just that!

This kid is senior. The only thing sad about today is that this is his last first day. It breaksy heart just a little that this handsome young man is having a year of lasts. There will be lots of tears shed as I watch him learn and grow and spread those wings. Besides, wasn't I just a senior in high school?

This kid is a sophomore. Don't let that smile fool you, he has not been this happy all summer. It was a difficult summer for both of us but we are ready for a great school year. He will still attend his special needs school and he will have a new teacher. Cross your fingers for us!

This little beauty is in 8th grade. She know the ropes and is confident about jr high. She has a great group of friends so that helps mom be confident about sending her out to the lions den too. 

This little guy is starting 4th grade at a new school. He will be doing the ALL program there It's a little nerve racking for both of us but he has a little buddy there and I feel like it will be a good growth opportunity for him. Only bad thing is that can no longer walk to school. Boo! 

Then there is me. Back to school for the kids means get to work for me. I will be serving as the PTSA president at our high school. This is hugely out of my comfort zone but I am already loving meeting new  people and making new friends. Just like Owen, I hope to experience tremendous growth this year too. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there, right? 

Life...or something like it

Some days life is really just a blur. Today the kids went back to school and after a crazy morning I came home, sat down and sobbed uncontrollably. I wasn't sad, frustrated, angry or any of the other emotions one might expect to come with tears. I think, for me it was just a release. The dam finally broke and the water just flowed. This summer was hard. Like so unbelievably H.A.R.D! I suffered from some pretty nasty depression and anxiety. Ian had some new and unwelcome behaviors. I lost my best friend this past year (not as in died, just gone) and I had some serious issues with self worth and self esteem. I felt alone. Thankfully I had a few people I love in my life to help spread a little sunshine on me but for the most part I felt pretty alone. That's all another story for another day though. One of the things that I realized this summer was how much I love this blog! It's been years since I've done any serious writing and I have no followers (although that's fine with me). I forgot how cathartic writing on this blog everyday was! It was a way for me to say what I wanted to say, in a safe environment, keep the memories of my family alive, and laugh at all of life's little curve balls. Yesterday I visited with my grandpa and as we were leaving he urged us all to start and keep a journal. I knew at that moment it was time to resurrect the blog! It was an urging I had had several times this summer and this was my second witness. So here I am, ready to keep it real, ready to give you an insight to our crazy life and ready to heal myself. If you're here say hi but if it's just me and my musings that's ok too. Be prepared for some catch up too... I want to record as much as I can so I will try to back post a little. I guess I'll need to update pictures too! I'm not sure if I even remember how so be patient with me and my work in progress. Let's get started!

Family Pictures

Over Christmas break we were lucky enough to have my brother Dustin come to town. We haven't seen him since July 2001 so this was pretty awesome! We decided that we would take some family pictures even though they will be outdated in a few weeks when we have a new baby in the family. We just don't know when Dusty will be back! My brother-in-law John Jay was awesome enough to take these for us.

New Year's Eve

We are so boring and so un-creative we planned nothing for New Year's Eve. Emilia and Owen made it their goal to stay up until midnight much to my dismay because all I wanted to do was go to bed. I wasn't worried though, they both had sleepovers the night before and I knew the were tired. They totally proved me wrong. When midnight came around they were still awake. I won't say WIDE awake cause as you can tell by this picture taken at midnight they were just hanging on!

Lists

I'm a list maker. Anyone else like this? I spend lots and lots of time creating lists to be checked off and very little time actually checking those things off! I have a big list ready to go for tomorrow. The kids are back in school and my responsibilities have really been neglected. However, I'm so excited to have some peace and quiet I might plop myself down on the couch and bask in the stillness! Oh wait, I've gotten the season premiers of Dance moms and Downton Abby to watch! Either way I'm sure my well thought out well written list will be neglected. 

New Years resolutions galore!

Mostly I just want to get my life in order. I totally understand that this is a lifetime pursuit but all I can do is put one foot in front of another :) I've said it so many times and done very little about it but I miss this blog. I miss venting my frustrations and just keeping up with the day to day events. I guess there is part of me that feels like I need something interesting to blog about. The other part of me just wants to have a record of things. I want to keep track of my blessings, my aha moments and even the crazy things that happen. My goal is to write once a week. I think I can do it!

Summer time blues?

We are well into our fourth week of summer vacation and the kids are already driving me bonkers. If we are not busy every minute of every day they are bored and they fight. It's not like we've sat home the last few weeks! We've done lots of fun things like...

 fishing

 several splash pads

 lagoon

 parks

 pond

 more fishing

 parade

and today we made a water blob. There  has also been sleep overs, movies, late nights, BBQ's, library trips and slip n slides. Still, they complain. I love summer but loathe it at the same time. Too many hours to fill with useful entertainment . It doesn't help that we don't have any dance this summer. If Millie had her way she'd sit in front of the t.v. all day. I have to really limit the time spent with electronics and really harp them about their chores! Cousins from Texas arrive this Saturday and I'm really looking forward for someone else to entertain these little stinkers!!