Life...or something like it

The house is so quiet. Adam took the kids out to his mom's house and I stayed home to clean up this mess or better yet to read the book I just started for book club on Tuesday. Yet, I was drawn to the computer to post on my blog. It seems like I never have moments like these when I don't have someone pulling on one arm to get them a drink and another screaming from the bathroom that they need their bum wiped. It's strangely odd to be alone with my thoughts. Reflection for me can bring up some awful memories so I try not to do it too often. But as I think about the last year of my life I am happy with where I am now. Life still sucks but in a wonderful way! Where would I be without him

or without these little lovelies?

Life is defiantly much better with them by my side.


One note, it was just over a year ago that Ian had his big seizure in which we noticed significant changes in him. I am happy to say that he is doing so much better. Besides the poop (when will it ever end?!?!?!), he is talking again, singing, reciting the alphabet, and being more like the child we once knew. Prayers really are answered.

A day a little brighter

Because of these...

Thanks Jilleen! (BTW, I had to clean up poop AGAIN! Actually, Adam cleaned up the majority of it, I just cleaned the carpet again. Any idea how to make this STOP??!?!)

If you only knew...

Seriously. If you only knew what I just had to clean up (or rather, what I'm in the middle of cleaning up) you would bring me endless diet coke and cookies (even though I'm officially off of both!). If you knew that I've already cleaned up the same magnitude(and same content) of mess already once this week you would whisk me away for a girls night out. If you knew that I do this day after day you would beg me to let you take me to get a pedicure. I can never, never, EVER leave my house without coming home to some DISASTER most of the time involving POOP. Today takes the cake. I just loaded the ENTIRE content of my toy room in to the washing machine, the dishwasher and a sink full of bleach and I am now headed to rent a carpet cleaner. I almost took pictures because if I just told you you wouldn't believe me but didn't because that is just gross. Sigh. Matthais, crying because he was babysitting when the incident occurred, asked me why we have to have Ian in our family. When I am knee deep in poop I wonder the same thing. What am I learning from this? Why do the lessons keep repeating themselves? When will I ever receive some relief?? Sometimes the things I know to be true are of no comfort. Things are just not fair. But that's life right?? I find myself telling my kids that all the time...Life is not fair; it's a little hard to be on that not so fair side. Well, I better run and get that carpet cleaner before it dries. Of course that will require leaving the kids home while I leave my house. Wonder what I'll get to come home to next.

Ian

Ian hasn't been eating much since he started his new medication a month ago. I don't know for sure but I think he's lost between 7-10lbs and it shows. I sent some Ensure to school for him to drink since he's not eating lunch and I try to force feed him in the morning and at night. Doesn't always work. I'm not really sure the medication is working either. It is certainly helping with his attention span but the screaming has gotten worse. Yesterday he screamed over every little thing until Adam got home. I was at my wits end by then. He also pooped on the toy room floor and then stepped in it. We really are making progress with the whole potty training thing and we aren't going through pull-ups quite as fast. I would say he uses the toilet 75% of the time so I am now convinced that the other 25% of the time he is just being lazy or needs the attention. Half of the time he uses the toilet he does so on his own without any help so I know he is completely capable of being potty trained. I spoke with his teacher earlier this week and she informed me he will be moving schools again. I should be upset by this but I am completely relieved. The school he is going to is a special education school. He will have access to resources he hasn't before (like a brand new sensory room) and the teachers are better equipped to handle his behavior problems. Hopefully he will start going there this summer which would also be a welcome relief for me. I don't know how I am going to survive 3 months home with this kid if he doesn't have school. Spring Break was such a challenge and my back is still hurting from out incident. He is getting bigger and stronger and more stubborn everyday. Other than that I just continue to pray that we find something that works for him. I feel like we are losing time and that if we don't get things figured out soon it's going to get worse not better. Puberty is not that far off and I've heard that this is a make or break period for kids with autism. I have hope though and I think this new school will be a great thing for us.

Wow

This little cutie is Eva. The big fat lady holding her is me. Wow. That is all I could think when I saw this picture. I stared at it a long time not really recognizing myself. I don't think of myself this big. I mean, I know I am overweight but wow...I never really realized how much. I ran a marathon at this weight and can keep up in aerobics classes and feel like I am a young, fit person. This picture tells another story. Really, I don't know what happened but I do know that I've spent the last year battling some demons and I haven't quite been myself. I feel like I am getting better emotionally/mentally and I need to get myself better physically too. I know I've mentioned it more than once on this blog and so you're probably thinking, why will this time be any different? It will and that is all I can say. I've had an epiphany of sort and it took looking at that picture to make it happen. If you want to follow along you can check out my running blog which will now become my weight loss/running blog...if I can get the motivation to update it!

Spring Break

I think St.George on Spring Break is becoming a tradition. We love it down there. There is so much to see and do we never have enough time to do everything we want. This year we had some friends join us for the fun. The more the merrier right? Here are some of the highlights. We stayed in Richfield the first night but I didn't take any pictures there. Even though the drive is only about 4 hours it was nice to split it up up. When we first arrived in St. George we headed to the park. After weeks of snow and rain it felt so good to be out in the sun. Take note of Millie and my matching shirts...she thought that was so cool!

We spent so much time in the hotel pool. I am so glad the kids are finally old enough to swim by themselves since I hate swimming. The kids loved swimming,I loved reading my book and Adam loved fishing!

Later that night the kids and I grabbed dinner and headed out to Quail Creek where we had dropped Adam off earlier too fish. The kids all went out on the boot but no one had any luck with the fish.

The next day we went to Sand Hollow. Adam had already spent the morning fishing there so we went just to play in the sand and water.



That night we grabbed some pizza and headed to Pioneer park. If you've never been there it is defiantly a place to go. There are a number of rocks to hike and climb. We got there a little too close to dark so we didn't have much time to hike. That and we had 3 kids 18mos and under! Still, we had fun.

Our last day there was spent at Snow Canyon. More sand and small little hikes.


It's always nice to get away and have some fun but it's also so much work. I hurt my back one morning picking up Ian off the floor when he was throwing one of his fits. He had a really hard time during the mornings which was when Adam was fishing. I was glad to have Lexi along to help me with him. One of Ian's favorite people in the whole world is Steve so he tagged along with him giving me some relief. It was defiantly worth the stress and I wish the weather here would cooperate and warm up!

Easter Sunday

 

Having conference fall on Easter Sunday this year was wonderful. There is nothing like listening to the leaders of our church testify of Christ to set the tone for this wonderful holiday. We do not celebrate Easter with baskets but have chosen instead to Celebrate the resurection of Christ. We do let the kids participate in an Easter egg hunt at my mom's house. Matthais was "too big" to do it this year. Boy, they grow up so fast! We had a great dinner with my family and there wasn't any fights (although, I thought it was close when we brougt up the dog poop in the back yard!)