Attitude adjustment

Last night Matthais was giving me grief during scriptures. I skipped him to let Millie read the shorter verse since she is still learning to read and it would go much faster. Of course by doing this I only solidified in his mind the fact that I like her better than him. It's an ongoing argument. Needless to say I wasn't in the mood and so we skipped him for the rest of the scriptures as well. Afterwards he stomped up to her bathroom (his was empty) and "used" it for a really long time knowing that she was waiting to get in and brush her teeth. I was upset with his attitude and let him know that it better change by morning.

This morning it was Millie. She shut my bedroom door on Owen who was on my bed watching t.v. Now, I know he can open doors and he wasn't upset that she shut the door but I wanted it open. I asked her to go open it and she immediately started arguing that if Owen didn't care why did I? (she's only 6 but can reason pretty well sometimes) She ended up slamming her door and pouting in her room. After I had called her down for breakfast 3 times she finally responded with a very loud "FINE!" Once again I started in on her about attitude and how hers had better change.

I've been thinking about it all morning and wondering if maybe it's actually my attitude that needs to change. I am still in summer hangover. This summer was so stressful I am still feeling the effects. I have a really bad attitude with my kids and I think it is wearing off on them. Some of the things I hear coming out of my mouth makes me embarrassed. I can't believe I say it. I always promised that I would never use the guilt inducing tactics my mom used but here I am just as bad if not worse. I'm giving them things to worry about that children should not even be thinking of. I am not being a good mom. I need an attitude adjustment and I need it now.