Love Unfeigned

"True love requires action. We can speak of love all day long, we can write notes or poems that proclaim it, sing songs that praise it, and preach sermons that encourage it but until we manifest that love in action, our words are nothing but sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal."

--Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "You Are My Hands", Ensign, May 2010, 68–70, 75

Owen's Preschool graduation

Owen only turned 3 last August but I decided to put him in a little preschool anyway. A neighbor of ours was doing it for a screaming deal and I decided that it was worth it for the social aspect (i.e. we have not kids around us). Friday was his short but sweet graduation. Owen was kinda grumpy and super shy but he eventually warmed up.





I'm amazed at all he learned despite his age. I think he is natuarally smart like Matthais. I'm a little worried about that because my intentions are to wait and start him when he's 6 even though he could go when he is 5. There are a lot reasons to do this but I am a little worried he will be bored like Matthais was. Luckily I have another full year to totally decide. You know how I am though, I like to worry about things way before they actually happen. I'm working on it....

Blog book

I just finished editing my blog book and sent it off into cyber world to be printed. I love having this option for journaling but if the truth me told, I don't really care to remember 2009. Don't get me wrong, there were some wonderful things that happened to our family. Heck, I ran a MARATHON in 2009. The year was the most emotionally draining year of my life. I looked back through my blog posts and pictures and they triggered memories not even pertaining to the picture or the post...they just reminded me of the timeline of events in my life last year. Things I didn't even dare post about are still there, in the pictures, in the words. I'm happy to say that, so far, this year is going much better. I am happier. It's still a daily struggle but it's manageable. I know that this is how most people feel about their life. We all struggle with different things and I'm not eager to walk in anyone elses shoes. Life is good. Hard...but good. And I am so very blessed.

Not alone

It's interesting the way this world works. Or maybe I should say, the way Heavenly Father works. Yesterday I had myself worked into a frenzy over the up coming summer. This time of year is ALWAYS crazy and busy and I fill myself full of guilt for not being more involved in my children's school. I start stressing about summer, making a schedule, figuring out how to entertain my kids for 3 long months. Then add in the stress I feel about how on earth I'm going to handle Ian's tantrums and screaming for the summer. Yes, I know, I tend to stress about things that actually may turn out different that I think they will. It's a real problem with me. Anyway, I spent most of the day feeling like a failure of a mother and pretty much just a failure period. I've been lonely, and that creates many feelings of inadequacy. Yesterday afternoon, just as I was ready to call it quits I found a lovely package on my porch. Remember how I said I really wanted this?



Well, there it was, tied up with a little bow and a card that read this

I cried all afternoon not only because I was so touched my the book but because I was touched that someone loves me enough to buy it for me.

I don't know who it's from. What I do know is that it feels good to be loved and not so alone. Thank you secret gifter, thank you!

Patience

"Patience—the ability to put our desires on hold for a time—is a precious and rare virtue. We want what we want, and we want it now. Therefore, the very idea of patience may seem unpleasant and, at times, bitter. Nevertheless, without patience, we cannot please God; we cannot become perfect. Indeed, patience is a purifying process that refines understanding, deepens happiness, focuses action, and offers hope for peace."
--Dieter F. Uchtdorf, "Continue in Patience", Ensign, May 2010, 56–59

More Doctors

A few weeks ago I took Ian up for his annual check up with his neurologist. It's pretty routine but I did have a few concerns. One of them was the possibility of his current seizure med causing some behavior issues. He's been on Keppra for a few years now and it's been, by far, the best med at keeping his seizures at bay. He still has a few break through seizures but we usually get a good 6-9 months between them. Still, Keppra has been known to create some behavior issues. After talking with our Dr. we decided that Keppra probably wasn't the problem and she told us we need to see psychiatry. Psychiatry is nothing new to us but I had major, MAJOR issues with his psychiatrist. I felt like he did very little listening to me and I had anxiety every time I went. I explained this to the neurologist who recommended we visit with the behavioral unit at the hospital (primary children's). I was excited about this opportunity to have a someone have "fresh look" at his case. I called and talked the the Behavioral unit and he talked to the psychiatrist and she agreed to see us...after they talk with our previous psychiatrist. This stresses me out for several reasons. First of all, he always made me feel like a inferior person. I felt stupid when I talked to him. He made me feel like a bad mother that only wanted to drug my child. He said to me, and I kid you not, "your child has autism, what do you expect?" I hated his office but never dared find another doctor because I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Just when I feel like I've found a way out, he has to know about it. Oh well, at least it's not in the same building so I never have to risk running into him. I just really wanted a fresh start and someone to look at his case with new eyes and so I am worried about her talking with him about Ian's case. Hopefully she can remain objective and she can more compassionate than our last doctor. All I want is help for Ian and for our family. Is that too much to ask?

New Photos

Adam's dad recently turned 70 and we hired an amazing photographer to capture the party in photos. Ignore the fact that his dad thought he would be funny and dye his hair black for the party. Here are some of my favorites.

Everyone loves Uncle John Jay, especially Ian


The kids were all suppose to run around while the shutter was left open. Leave it to one of my kids to just stand there!Adam's siblings and spouses minus one sister and one brother (and their spouses)
Love, love, LOVE This one!
The girls (minus two)
The one shot of our family, didn't turn out too bad for the one shot we got!

The grand kids missing 15 or so
The boys and the bear.



John Jay and Ashlyn Hannah

There are so many more! Rachel (the girl who did the pictures) has two kids with autism and she loves taking pictures of kids with autism, it's kinda her thing. I am so hiring her when we are ready for family pictures!