Pumpkin carving

It's no secret that I really do NOT enjoy the tradition of carving pumpkins. I do however enjoy my kids and their expressions as they carve pumpkins. Sadly, or not so sadly (I can't decide) I missed out on the the pumpkin carving experience this year. I had a daycare class to to take (who schedules a class on the Monday before Halloween when all of Utah county will be carving pumpkins for FHE? seriously.) Luckily Adam was a good daddy and helped the kids and even took pictures!! Yay! I didn't think he'd remember since I am usually the one behind the camera but I'm so happy he did. Here they are for your (and my) viewing pleasure...

I think the look on her face is priceless! This is exactly how I feel about pumpkins!

He is so independent! I can only guess he is so happy to get to do it my himself

Always a bump in the road

Just when things with Ian were getting to be half way normal (normal for us anyway) , He decides to throw us a curve ball. Guess that's how it is with autism...you never know what you are going to get. His behavior has improved greatly. That is, as long as he is on his medication. Now he is experiencing insomnia. There are nights that he is awake for the greater part of the night. Like from midnight until 5 or 6 in the morning. There are times we can get him back to sleep and there are nights that he is wide awake, ready to play. I have no idea why this might be happening now. He's always been a fairly light sleeper and he's always woken up several times at night but this is a whole new experience; one that I'm ready to be rid of. He did sleep pretty well last night but that was after two nights of pulling all-nighters so I don't think his body gave him any choice. I did hear him wake a few times but he never actually got out of bed until sometime early this morning. Is this a good trade? good behavior for no sleep? I'm not sure. If it is one of his medications making it so he doesn't sleep we might be back to square one. I'm not sure I can handle that... I have really enjoyed the new and improved Ian. Hopefully this is just another bump in the road.

My teenage son

It's hard to believe I've entered the teenage child phase of my life. When Matthais was born 13 years ago that seemed so far away. I can't believe how fast he seemed to grow up, how quickly the last 13 years of our life has gone by. I know I always say that and I'll probably say that for the rest of my life. I just feel bad that I didn't take more time to be mom and enjoy him when he was younger. He and I were such best friends when he was little. He was the baby I had hoped and prayed for and I was so happy to have him. I am still so happy to have him. It just seems like I didn't slow down enough and cherish our time together. As far as kids go he is a great one. Seriously, everyday I have someone tell me what a great kid his is. All I can say is I know. I didn't have anything to do with it...he just came that way...and I couldn't be prouder that he's mine. I'm not scared to have a teenage Matthais. He is a good kid who makes good choices. He is bright, articulate, and funny. He is everything a mother could hope for in a son. Happy Birthday Matthais, We sure love you!

Watch out..

Tomorrow, when I wake up, I will have a teenager.

Quite possibly the scariest experience of my life

I promised I would post about this today. I'm afraid it will really just disappoint. It's one of those "you had to be there" kind of experiences but I will write about it anyway.

I took the kids and headed up to Park City for the weekend. My sister and I thought it would be a good idea to take the kids on the Alpine slide. Once we got there I realized they probably would not let Ian go down with me because of his size and I knew I wasn't going to send him down on his own. I talked to several people and after talking to a supervisor who said he would not stop me but he advised me not to, I decided to go ahead and take Ian anyway. Honestly I was so worried about the risks of taking Ian down the slide I hadn't given much thought to how we were going to get to the top of the mountain. Let me just start by saying I am extremely afraid of heights. I hate them. I panic when it's just me but now I am taking my four children and heading on a ski lift and I am extremely freaked out. The minute the ski lift takes off Ian starts screaming. He doesn't want to go on the "roller coaster" and he wants off. I start crying. I have my arms around him in a death grip and the tighter I hold the more he wants out of my grip. The ski lift is extremely slow and even stops at one point. I feel like I am going to puke and I am getting more hysterical by the minute which only adds to the chaos and tension the kids are feeling. Ian continues to scream and wiggle and I continue to panic because I know if he wanted to get off he could. I know this kid, I know his strength and I know what he can do if he wants to. I ask Matthais to say a prayer. This calms me a little but I can see that we are still several minutes from the top. I loosen my grip and Ian and talk to the kids as calmly as possible trying to help everyone relax. Finally we reach the top. I really feel like we were being watched over. You would not believe how many times Ian has flopped, wiggled, and just muscled his way out my grip when he wanted to get away from me. I don't have any other explanation for why he didn't this time. He didn't want to be on the ski lift yet he stayed...it was a huge blessing. The ride down wasn't nearly as traumatic even with the two of us squeezing onto the little sled. Here are some pictures before the anxiety attack...

Owen was so cute and not scared at all. He kept saying "I wish I wish I was big enough to go myself!" Millie was a little more afraid then she let on. She went so slow she had a huge line behind her. The people behind her weren't very nice as they were expecting a nice fast ride only to find themselves held up by a little girl! If you ask her though, she'll tell you the sled wouldn't go any faster! I'm glad my kids had this experience but I'm telling you, I will never, ever take Ian on a ski lift again! Next time I'll hike...

The pure love of Christ

Today ended up being a very discouraging day for me. It was a Monday to start with. It was also the Monday after a long weekend and we had just come home from a little trip. There was a lot to do but I couldn't get over the feelings of frustration I had with certain relationships in my life and I felt very powerless to change things. I felt very negative all day and it only got worse as the day went on. Tonight I was sitting alone folding laundry when President Monson's talk from Womens Conference came to my mind. I looked up his talk and read "I consider charity—or 'the pure love of Christ'—to be the opposite of criticism and judging...the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient. I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others. There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere. Needed is the charity which refuses to find satisfaction in hearing or in repeating the reports of misfortunes that come to others, unless by so doing, the unfortunate one may be benefited. The American educator and politician Horace Mann once said, 'To pity distress is but human; to relieve it is godlike.' Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are..." Isn't that beautiful counsel?  I revelled in the comfort the words of our living prophet. I am so grateful for his guidance and counsel. I know that having this kind of love for others is a challenge for me but I know it is one that is worth working for. I know that is how Jesus Christ would have me feel about my fellow man and I hope to follow in his example of kindness and love.

A Balanced life

"We must remember that much spiritual growth does not occur suddenly but rather through time and experience. The encouraging message of the gospel is that God does not often require us to perform sensational or extraordinary deeds but rather to try to do better today than we did yesterday. He is mindful of our desires, our determination, and our direction as well as of our deeds."


--Brent L. Top, "A Balanced Life", Ensign, Apr. 2005, 26